Diary

Lethen said:
Olde Delaware said:
I'm on ozempic, not diabetic but this shit really is a miracle cure. Imagine having no appetite, or rather eating breakfast on Monday and still being full from it at Tuesday dinner and that's what its like to be me now.
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But you still need to eat for sustenance. Does that not impact the ozempic? Or is it a super appetite suppressant that works regardless?
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Great question.

Also to everyone else replying in this thread, i decided to get back to people privately with questions and answers so if I havent gotten to you just bonk me. As you can imagine the last entry caused a bigger stir than I anticipated.

Onto Leth, so yeah you do need to eat but for some reason the ozempic is as you said kinda like a super suppresser. The way it worked for me was before I went into the hospital and way before I even heard of ozempic I could polish off an extra large pizza like it was nothing. Then in the hospital they give you the right food in the right portions so I was relearning how to eat like a normal person.

Then came ozempic.

Id eat breakfast and then try to eat lunch 5 hours later and get deathly ill to the point of vomiting because my gut was telling my brain "hey I'm full you idiot". Id try to eat dinner, same thing but maybe a little less. Like I could eat the soup, maybe some rice but trying to eat the chicken wasn't happening because now I was stuffed.
 
Ok that drug is insanely effective. Too effective! Unless your body is supposed to adjust to it?
 
Bit random interjection but Ive heard about Ozempic that its not only very effective at weight loss, it also helps with basically any "addiction" (using that very loosely here) e.g. like nail biting and compulsive shopping
 
SkyGreen said:
Bit random interjection but Ive heard about Ozempic that its not only very effective at weight loss, it also helps with basically any "addiction" (using that very loosely here) e.g. like nail biting and compulsive shopping
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I still bite my nails so it isn't working on that end lol
 
Felt cute, but not cute enough to post in faces. My visiting nurse pointed out im 'very grey' for 36.

What do you think?
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I've often been told tragedy is complicated. Well I guess that's true. I got diagnosed with level 4 PTSD and some other stuff. I didnt even know PTSD had levels if I'm being honest.

Almost dying in the hospital adds to my almost dying list by 3. I nearly drowned in a pool as a kid, nearly killed by a massive tornado. Shot at twice, multiple suicide attempts, now the hospital.

If cats have nine lives how many do humans have?

If you believe daytime TV its one life to live.

I'm almost over 11.

I'm not ready to go into the bullying or suicide attempts yet but I did also want to impart some advice on any bullies or would be bullies.

Since school shootings have become a tragic norm in America, im not sure whose idea it was that decided bullies needed to apologize to those whose lives they ruined.

Since I've become an adult and entered the adult world I've had no less than 10 people come up to me in public and try to apologize. In the grocery store, at my job, in the doctors office, doesn't matter. They come up with their kids or alone and say "I'm so sorry for accusing you of x to get you suspended" or "I don't know why I did that, im so sorry".

Theres no putting pandora back into the box.

So just don't do it.

Because doing it has lasting impact.
 
Other than the panda blurb above I wasn't gonna write anymore today but someone asked me a question recently in a DM and I felt like it deserved a more complex answer than the one I gave so here it goes.

Why are you the way that you are.

And no they didn't use the office meme, it was a legitimate question.

I wish I had an answer to be honest that doesn't sound like me coming off as a huge douche but the only thing I can figure is it goes back to the death of my dad.

I grew up in comfortable middle class except both my parents were disabled. So while some kids got to go to theme parks, I didn't. Some got to go walk the mall, my parents hated the mall. Some went to movies, my mom hated the movies and my dad was never interested. Some went on little trips, I didn't.

I was the gofer.

When my dad died so did our income, suddenly just as he did. With my mom being disabled it fell on me to get work, I had my first full time job under the table at 15 and a legal part time job as well and going to school and it still didn't pay the bills.

We came within a hairs breath of losing everything, literally within 4 days of foreclosure until we received my father's death benefits.

By that time I was a junior in high school working 12 hour days and going to school and paying bills. I noticed my first gray hair at 16. It was also around that time people started calling me an old soul.

It was also that time where the abuse really started from my mom. She wasn't physically abusive but mentally and psychologically because she knew I had no choice and no other options.

I was her caregiver from the age of 15 until she passed and not working was never an option.

Burnout was not an option, you're too young to have that, she'd say.

Having back pain or leg pain was inexcusable because my mom *always* had it worse and she didn't want to hear it.

Get off at 2am? Sleep past 8am? I'd wake up to being screamed at. Didnt matter.

This is just the surface, not ready to go deeper.

Why am I the way that I am? I guess its because I was forced to grow up and deal with adult things as a teen that no one should have to.

I think it fucked me up.

I dont know how to fix it.
 
Well I guess this is where I make my exciting return!

Well not really, I've had more than a few folks in my DMs asking if my diary was just my way of 'whining because I got banned again'. I'll be honest, i'll tell everyone the same I've told everyone else which is I really don't miss being on discord all of the time. I did that life back in the AOL days where I was in a chat constantly either making fun of Rhydin RPers or working on the EFeds that I really loved back then. Or political games. Being online all of the time just isn't good for you.

So what have I been doing?

Well...I am glad you asked. Or rather I asked and you were probably thinking about asking lol.

I've been cleared by PT/OT to return to work and I have been walking.

A lot.

Getting up and down stairs with a walker sucks, especially since my big heavy sturdy one with wheels is too heavy for me to travel with so I was given a smaller walker to finagle on trips. My friend picked me up some of those walker balls today because the travel walker has no wheels or anything. So now walking is a little easier.

I have a doctors appointment on 12/2 where I will hopefully and finally receive medical clearance to return to work and work.

I went out with my buddy Shawn today and had lunch and picked up the aforementioned walker balls. I stopped at my work to visit and return some parts of my Work from Home kit. I also checked in on one of my bosses. For anonymity sake ill call him 'Terry'. 'Terry' went into the hospital before I did because some of our coworkers noticed he wasn't himself. 'Terry' is one of my favorite people in this world, he always told me I was the only dispatcher that called when the notes said to call, always got the emails from customers who said that I was helpful and great to them and always looked out for me. While at the hospital for his appointment, 'Terry' had a stroke, then several more. This wasn't transmitted to the company at large but I always asked my direct boss about how 'Terry' was and if he needed anything and that's when I found out about his strokes.

On my visit to my company today I ran into another C-Suite executive who was showing around 'Terry''s replacement, I got to meet her. She's cool but she isn't 'Terry'. I asked the exec how he was and he told me that he definitely won't be returning, his strokes have left him in a child like state and he most likely won't recover.

I'll be honest I came home and I cried.

Every company has a 'Terry' and you should all endeavor if you can to find yours if you can.

I will miss him a great deal.
 
Olde Delaware said:
Well I guess this is where I make my exciting return!

Well not really, I've had more than a few folks in my DMs asking if my diary was just my way of 'whining because I got banned again'. I'll be honest, i'll tell everyone the same I've told everyone else which is I really don't miss being on discord all of the time. I did that life back in the AOL days where I was in a chat constantly either making fun of Rhydin RPers or working on the EFeds that I really loved back then. Or political games. Being online all of the time just isn't good for you.

So what have I been doing?

Well...I am glad you asked. Or rather I asked and you were probably thinking about asking lol.

I've been cleared by PT/OT to return to work and I have been walking.

A lot.

Getting up and down stairs with a walker sucks, especially since my big heavy sturdy one with wheels is too heavy for me to travel with so I was given a smaller walker to finagle on trips. My friend picked me up some of those walker balls today because the travel walker has no wheels or anything. So now walking is a little easier.

I have a doctors appointment on 12/2 where I will hopefully and finally receive medical clearance to return to work and work.

I went out with my buddy Shawn today and had lunch and picked up the aforementioned walker balls. I stopped at my work to visit and return some parts of my Work from Home kit. I also checked in on one of my bosses. For anonymity sake ill call him 'Terry'. 'Terry' went into the hospital before I did because some of our coworkers noticed he wasn't himself. 'Terry' is one of my favorite people in this world, he always told me I was the only dispatcher that called when the notes said to call, always got the emails from customers who said that I was helpful and great to them and always looked out for me. While at the hospital for his appointment, 'Terry' had a stroke, then several more. This wasn't transmitted to the company at large but I always asked my direct boss about how 'Terry' was and if he needed anything and that's when I found out about his strokes.

On my visit to my company today I ran into another C-Suite executive who was showing around 'Terry''s replacement, I got to meet her. She's cool but she isn't 'Terry'. I asked the exec how he was and he told me that he definitely won't be returning, his strokes have left him in a child like state and he most likely won't recover.

I'll be honest I came home and I cried.

Every company has a 'Terry' and you should all endeavor if you can to find yours if you can.

I will miss him a great deal.
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I'm really sorry to hear about Terry, OD. I'm glad that when you worked together he was able to be such a positive force in your life. I hope the best for him and his family. And I'm also very excited for you that you are hopefully soon going to have a chance to return to work! I know a lot of people will say "I WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK" but I suspect strongly that being able to do that will in many ways be a relief, and definitely will be a very visible sign of your recovery!
 
That's so sad; nothing but positive vibes for "Terry" and his family
 
Well...I can't believe I am saying this but this is the last entry in my diary that deals with my health and getting ready to go back to work. Why you might ask? Well I return to work tomorrow :)

Nine Months and Four Days.

We could have had a baby in that time frame, a whole baby. Maybe we did...I won't judge...just tell me who the dad is.

It's Lloen right? Maybe Llethen?

Who knows.

Tomorrow after work I'm sure i'll have much more to say but right now I figured we could all use a little good news this holiday season.
 
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