Cute, Win, Fail

EPISODE 3

Double-Stuffed Episode​

Hello, audience! My name is Gustavus Adolphus Rex, I am so addicted to Coca-Cola it's not even funny, and this is Cute, Win, Fail! The formerly a blog and now a kids' TV show brought to you by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting[1]- oops, I mean the Europeian Broadcasting Corporation- where three Europeian posts compete to become the most:



Last week, you saw an Anumia Incest Cute from Anumia and Earth22, a 90s Image Win from Henry, and a Baby Windowsill Fail from Abbey Anumia. Your unbelievable amount of hanging chads have been appealed to the Supreme Court by Al Gore and the MOST EPIC EUROPEIAN POST EVER (of last week) is:

Henry's 90s Image Win!

It's simply too epic to be even shown as an image here, so here's the linky:

http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/90s.jpg



Congratulations, Henry! You get this clipart image as a prize!



Sorry other two posts! You must be sacrificed to appease the angry forum gods!!!! *The two posts are "accidentally" dropped into a volcano!* That's gonna hurt in the morning! Now let's drop these next FIVE posts onto a deserted island for 39 days to see who will have it what it takes to survive! Yes, you heard me- there will be an extra Win and an extra Fail this episode! GASPS!

Our first post comes from Rachel McAdams- I mean the Europeian Rachel lawl- who started the topic New NS Daughter off with:

"I'd like to announce that Silver Steps is now the NS daughter of PASD and myself.
hyper.gif hyper.gif"

She should probably have also announced that those two smileys ate waaaay too much sugar this morning and showed up to work that morning high.

But I'm calling this a:



I mean come on, Rachel McAdams! Nice choice of an avatar! Oh, and PASD and Rachel are absolutely adorable together, and the addition of a BABY...! :wub: That basically overloads my cute-o-meter!

Our next post is the first:



This comes from HEM, who posted this here Presidential Approval Rating poll of Oliver Dion-Grey with the words "Have at it."

And we did, with one of us giving him 100% approval, seven voting 90%, seven voting 80%, two voting 70%, four voting 60%, one voting 50%, and two people daring to vote 0% who afterwards wandered into a dark alley and were never seen again. evil.gif

But anyway, this means a lot of people approve of the job Oliver Twist has been doing so far as President of Europeia. And I think that's partly because he presidentificated over our next:



This goes out to all of the tireless (and probably caffeinated beyond belief) recruiters in Europeia who helped get our power level up to OVER ONE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND NATIONS! Yeah babe-eh, you know that's right! Soon, world domination will be ours! :lol:

Then mberg5472 had to ruin it by starting a topic called A piece of news!, where he said:

"Hello fellow members of Europeia!

I have an offer to make. We are all here because of various reasons, wether we love politics, or love simulations we are still present here.

I haven't been a member of Europeia very long, but I can already tell everyone here that is active within the forums has talent!

Therefore I would love it if all of you could take the time and check out this other RPG I play as well as Nationstates. It is called City Empires. www.cityempires.net

I just created a new country and need new citizens! This could be a way for us to make a stronger friendship!

Please join today. Reply to this post if your interested. I'll help you join and help you play! Contact me today! I play as the city of Miami in the game.

I would love it if I could have trusted members from Europeia playing in my country on city empires!"

A piece of news? More like a piece of shit advertising! :angry:

Anumia said in reply, "Oh, this isn't going to end well..."

Hmmm, no kidding, you think? If by not ending well you mean we get to throw rocks at this idiot, then yeah, I'm up for it. h43r:

To which Fortana fortana-tuitously added, "And some people say the Europeian Nationalism Act was foolish ." That's a little mini-win for you right there.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...sick him, Lethen!

"We don't really appreciate people advertising other games here in Europeia...and why did you choose this forum of all places?"

Ohhhh, ownified! And it looks you get a nice, juicy...



...sandwich. That's slathered in humiliation sauce with a side of newbie. Need I say anything more?

Actually, I will, because is up next is our final post for this week, a topic from Anumia called Ugh. Here, he declares:

"So, it turns out my brother is tone-deaf. Or tone-mute. No, must be tone-deaf. Otherwise he would hear how far off-key he is and how he can't even hold those butchered notes and SHUT THE HELL UP.

It also turns out that he's been singing repetitive songs at a loud volume throughout the night and all morning (it's now past midday). I've been trying to sleep before the night shift at work while he's been either destroying songs I once liked, or imprinting techno beat songs that have one line of lyrics repeated for four minutes onto my suffering consciousness.

Also, my eyes have been stinging whenever I close them, -because- I'm tired. ...and it's hot.

...but mostly, the issue is that ten feet outside my sound-permitting door and walls is the greatest argument for the existence of Satan.

AA, you know where to aim. Clean shot between the eyes please. *sits still and waits*

-_-"

Unfortunately for the supporters of the economy, AA decided not to end Anumia's misery. :lol: Oh, and, Anumia's brother, whoever you are, you may suck at singing big time, but you have my sympathies. ^_^ I often have been consternated by my family for beng horrible when I'm singing along to the car radio. Maybe we can start a Failed Singers Anonymous support group together, with you as the founder.

Nah, never mind, I take that back. I mean, you chose techno! Even if you didn't screw those beats left, right, and center, they would STILL stink. At least start with songs that are more appropriate for your skill level, like, oh, I don't know, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? But until you become a great singer, enjoy your:



T-t-t-that's all for this show, folks! So, which one was the most EPIC?! Was it the NS Baby Cute by Rachel Not-McAdams, the Oliver Twist Poll Win by Oliver Dion-Grey, the Over 1000 Nations Win by Europeian recruiters, the Piece of Shit Advertising Fail, or the Anumia's Brother Singing Fail by Anumia? Post your vote in the comments and tune in next week to see who won! Gustavus Adolphus Rex out!

[1]Anyone who watched PBS as a kid and obsessively memorized the end funding credits like I did knows what I'm talking about.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Thanks Oliver Twist.

Also, here's the poll:

http://z6.****************/Europeia/index....showtopic=22185

 

[Rach]

You can't give Oliver Twist more! flail.gif

 

[Asianatic]

Srsly, try it a week over the summer. Stay in your house for four days straight, and never go outside- not for anything. Not for food, not for friends, not for coffee.

Add in a little annoying sister, and tell me how it goes.

(Also, I live in the middle of freakin' suburbia, where the nearest anything is a good twenty minute walk away in pretty weather.)

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

You can't give Oliver Twist more! flail.gif

More what? Cookies?!

Here, have a cookie Rachel.



Oh, and a pet Cookie Monster too.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Srsly, try it a week over the summer. Stay in your house for four days straight, and never go outside- not for anything. Not for food, not for friends, not for coffee.

Add in a little annoying sister, and tell me how it goes.

(Also, I live in the middle of freakin' suburbia, where the nearest anything is a good twenty minute walk away in pretty weather.)

That's pretty much my life, except for the annoying little sister- she's actually more like a little sister who can beat me up, and has.

 

[Oliver]

You can't give Oliver Twist more! flail.gif

I'm not even in this weeks Win/Cute/Fail... you've lost me..

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

You can't give Oliver Twist more!  flail.gif

I'm not even in this weeks Win/Cute/Fail... you've lost me..

Haha you got the order right- so here's a mini-win.

 

[Earth22]

Srsly, try it a week over the summer. Stay in your house for four days straight, and never go outside- not for anything. Not for food, not for friends, not for coffee.

Add in a little annoying sister, and tell me how it goes.

(Also, I live in the middle of freakin' suburbia, where the nearest anything is a good twenty minute walk away in pretty weather.)

Now who's urban model would describe where you live, missy?

I'd kill for a snow day. Wawa, put a Hurricane Day into your schedule. Weeks without hot water, boil water alerts, no power, and trapped at home or at a hotel (we used to always get evacuated--lived on an island).

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Srsly, try it a week over the summer.  Stay in your house for four days straight, and never go outside- not for anything.  Not for food, not for friends, not for coffee.

Add in a little annoying sister, and tell me how it goes.

(Also, I live in the middle of freakin' suburbia, where the nearest anything is a good twenty minute walk away in pretty weather.)

Now who's urban model would describe where you live, missy?

I'd kill for a snow day. Wawa, put a Hurricane Day into your schedule. Weeks without hot water, boil water alerts, no power, and trapped at home or at a hotel (we used to always get evacuated--lived on an island).

YIKES! Really?! :blink: Where do you live?

 

[Rach]

You can't give Oliver Twist more!  flail.gif

I'm not even in this weeks Win/Cute/Fail... you've lost me..

lol, oopsies. I just saw Oliver Twist and went for it

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

You can't give Oliver Twist more!  flail.gif

I'm not even in this weeks Win/Cute/Fail... you've lost me..

lol, oopsies. I just saw Oliver Twist and went for it [/QUOTE]
So, what did you think of the YouTube Video of the Week?

And here's another awesome video that I didn't think to make the Video of the Week at first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjcBINH4HL4

You will LYAO guaranteed.

 

[Earth22]

Srsly, try it a week over the summer.  Stay in your house for four days straight, and never go outside- not for anything.  Not for food, not for friends, not for coffee.

Add in a little annoying sister, and tell me how it goes.

(Also, I live in the middle of freakin' suburbia, where the nearest anything is a good twenty minute walk away in pretty weather.)

Now who's urban model would describe where you live, missy?

I'd kill for a snow day. Wawa, put a Hurricane Day into your schedule. Weeks without hot water, boil water alerts, no power, and trapped at home or at a hotel (we used to always get evacuated--lived on an island).

YIKES! Really?! :blink: Where do you live?

Florida. I used to live on Hypoluxo Island/Manalapan.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Srsly, try it a week over the summer.  Stay in your house for four days straight, and never go outside- not for anything.  Not for food, not for friends, not for coffee.

Add in a little annoying sister, and tell me how it goes.

(Also, I live in the middle of freakin' suburbia, where the nearest anything is a good twenty minute walk away in pretty weather.)

Now who's urban model would describe where you live, missy?

I'd kill for a snow day. Wawa, put a Hurricane Day into your schedule. Weeks without hot water, boil water alerts, no power, and trapped at home or at a hotel (we used to always get evacuated--lived on an island).

YIKES! Really?! :blink: Where do you live?

Florida. I used to live on Hypoluxo Island/Manalapan.

Hypowhatiewhat? Where is that in Florida?

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

EPISODE 5​

Hello once more again, audience! My name is Gustavus Adolphus Rex, I just got a girl I like a teddy bear and a Reese's heart for Valentine's Day , and this is Cute, Win, Fail! The EBC blog where three Europeian posts compete to become the most:



Last episode, you witnessed a Doing Your NS Daughter Cute, a Skizzy's Wet Dream Win, and a Snow Day Appreciation Fail. Votes from all across the universe have been mailed in by owl and the winner of the most Europeian post ever of last week is...Skizzy Wet Dream Win!



Congratulations, guy whose name refers to several inappropriate slang metaphors , you win a...



Happy Face Spider! Isn't he so cute...and poisonous? Won't you be that spider's Valentine? Who can say no to that face? :lol:

Oh, hey, other two posts, let me just get out my sniper rifle...



BOOM! HEDSHAWT! gun.gif

...bet you didn't think you were going to DIE for Valentine's Day, did you? Huh? HUH? Good luck trying to bring your special someone Valentine's chocolates without a head!

Now three new contenders will enter the wrestling cage! But who will survive? And as for the rest of you, I hope nobody has a fear of falling, lobsters, or the dark, because if you lose, you will fall on top of lobsters in the dark! Mwahahahaha!!!! Yes, I am that sinister, audience. evil.gif And random. Now let's do this thing!

Our first post comes from Willem Jefferson, who posted this in the Faces thread:

*sigh*

It is most unfortunate that I am a man of my word and I made my word to Luna Dancing to release a full photo of me shirtless in the Faces thread. I don't want to coward out.

So here ladies and gentlemen (mostly ladies) is Willem Jefferson, shirtless and inappropriate.

May God have mercy on us all.

I was about to say something in reply to this, but I was BLINDED BY THE ABS!



As for the girls in the audience, you know you wanted a piece of that man candy for Valentine's Day. :creepy: Your quotes don't lie.

I approve.

And he approved back with this:

I approve.

I demand steak and a hot tub party as a reward. ^_^

But my stomach can't compete with that!

I wasn't after your stomach :creepy:

He was after your toesies.

You are underage, you are underage, you are underage...

Bring her not into temptation...:lol:

Well, does depend on where you are, and if he's willing to travel.

Where I am, provided he's over 16, and I'm not in a position of power over him, it's legal.

Take it from this gal who apparently studies age of consent laws in the UK on the side. :creepy: J/K lol.

hehe indeed. Perfectly legal in the UK

Not unless Big Brother is watching you. h43r:

Willem shirtless is a:



Last night, we were all treated to a wonderful display of weirdness from our very own Huggles McSnuggles, starting in the thread MWHAHAHAHA.



Need I say anything more? Oh, and he posted the word "POOP" in the Senate. Once again, need I say anything more?

"Yes, you do, Gustavus! Shouldn't this be a Fail rather than a Win because Huggles was TOTALLY CRUNK and spamming it up?"

Calm down, audience! Let me explain with this random image of a lion riding on a horse:



(P.S.: For all you ladies on Valentine's Day, this is the Epic Win Lion your man could smell like if he used Old Spice.)

As you can see, the horse is like, "WHAT THE FAHK?!" :blink:

But the lion is like, "Woooooo hooooooooo!!!!" hyper.gif

For the horse, it's a Fail on the lion's part. For the lion, it's a typical night out clubbing. And for me, it's like :emb:. So yeah, there you go. :lol:

And finally, our



for today. This came from the topic Fort Wayne has a problem, where PASD posted our Cute Win Fail Epic YouTube Video of the Week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BScrP-lW60E

For any people with the last name of Baals in the audience, I apologize, but I will say it again:



Yeah, yeah, I know the pronunciation of the family name was different back then or whatever, but still, I would have changed my name if I knew people could pronounce it like "Hairy Balls." Yes, I said it! The horror! And on the day after Valentine's Day too!

(Maybe he could have changed it to Richard? No, that still wouldn't have worked. )



Just because I like threesomes (of the word FAIL in all caps, you pervert ). Also, on another note, the video was posted on the channel "wane," and has 545,270 views. The next highest viewed video has 6,356 views. Guess what it's of? That's right, Harry Baals. :lol: And the next highest video (1,105 views)- also Harry Balls. Fourth highest video (799 views)- also Harry Baals! All the other videos have been viewed by like 5 people. So yeah, that's some national attention right there. Hey, it was good for your YouTube channel, at least. :lol:

So, which one was the most EPIC?! Was it the Willem Shirtless Cute, the Huggles Drunk Spamming Win, or the Harry Baals Naming Fail? Leave a vote in the poll or post a comment, and if you have your own Cutes, Wins, or Fails you'd like to see on the show, PM me or email/MSN me at gustavusrex2010@live.com. That's all for show! OUTRO OF KOOL-AID AWESOMENESS!



Gustavus out!

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Oh and before I forget, Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Oh, and the poll is here:

http://z6.****************/Europeia/index....showtopic=22314

 

[Indycar Racing]

While the Harry Baals was funny, Hy drunk was hilarious seeing the Europeia Legal Mind of year write POOP in the senate made me seriously laugh out loud.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

While the Harry Baals was funny, Hy drunk was hilarious seeing the Europeia Legal Mind of year write POOP in the senate made me seriously laugh out loud.

Yes it was indeed hilarious. Although I thought for sure he would at least have some competition from Harry Baals.

Glad you liked this! ^_^

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Hello once more again, audience! My name is Gustavus Adolphus Rex, my beard reaches down to my knees because I haven't shaved in a week, and this is...

EPISODE 6​

The show where three Europeian posts compete to become the most:



Last episode you saw a Willem Shirtless Cute, a Drunk Hyanygo Spamming Win, and a Harry Baals Naming Fail.

I have painstakingly counted your votes on all twenty-one of my fingers and toes (nah just twenty lol ), and by a vote of a hundred bamillion to two to Q, the winner of the most epic Europeian post ever of last week is...

Drunk Hyanygo Spamming!

Even though he's not here right now to celebrate it, congrats, Huggles McSnuggles, you've rightly earned your



Sorry other two posts, but it's time to be executed by a:

EPIC LEGO SHOTGUN! :violentgun: Yay!

Although that is not in the contest, that is a...



Anyway, on to our first Europeian...



Stop interrupting my narration, giant shouting text! It's OK, audience- it's just excited at the thought of this post from Lethen, appropriately entitled Hilarity ensues. Roll clip!

So I was texting my friend Emma, who I haven't talked to in forever, and she seems a *tad* drunk. Anyway, she's 17 so this is relevant. Some random number texts me as follows. You'll love this.

Anonymous (no idea what his number is): STOP txting emma or else

Me: Whatttt?

...few minutes pass...

Me: Guess thats a nevermind then.

Him: Ur heard me.

Me: And I don't know who you are. Why the hell would I listen to you?

Him: cause if u don't im gonna find u and kick ur ass

Me: Haha wow. You clearly are mature. This is almost as pathetic as threatening someone over the internet.

Him: I nou and shes jail bait to u

Me: Hahaha that's true. What's your point? Believe it or not I don't want to fuck every girl I talk to. Just like I don't act like an over protective dick because my girls can talk to whoever they want without being protected by some random dude trying to to get into their pants. Don't worry, I'm sure texting threats anonymously really gets those girls wet and wild there champ. Such a brave man you are.

Him: haha now ur makin me laugh with your pathedicness.

Me: Haha how am I pathetic here?

Him: Oh yar it accually does get the girls bitch

Me: Not really. Can't be that impressed with someone when they won't even grow a pair and threaten someone any closer than over some texts.

Him: haha you wish u could get girls like i can, and by the way if i knew where u were i would threat u to u face

Me: You would would you? Sure slugger. Haha at least you know who I am. Who the fuck are you?

Him: Next time we meet ull find out and yea I would

Me: Whens next time gonna be?

Him: I don't know whenever i bump into ur sorry ass

Me: Ok there tough guy. Just don't break a nail trying to find me darling.

Him: haha oh ill try not to but u can bet ur ass ill break a ur bones

Me: So...you're a pussy?

Him: sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me hahaha

Me: hahaha ok coming form the guy threatening me that was pretty funny.

Him: haha yea cus my words mean ur gonna have broken bones when I see u, and ur words mean shit

Me: oh back to the tough guy act. I'll play along. We both know you're never going to show up though.

Him: haha when where faget

Me: I'm pretty  busy but you can find me if you try hard enough. Though I'll warn you, I don't beat up retards.

Him: good that means ull fight i was hopein i wouldn't have to spend all that time findin ur little bitch as and then u not wanna fight

Me: Are you really this stupid or can you just not spell?

Him: ok little miss school girl, my apalogies, ur bitch "ass"

Me: Eww little miss school girl? You a pedo? That's gross bro.

Me: Chi city would not approve.

Him: Dont be jelous cause u dont get any action with girls ur own age

Me: Girls my age? How old is your mom? Btw have any sisters?

Him: haha do I? U do

Me: That'd be true. Was taht supposed to piss me off? Emma and half her friends know her haha. Good try though. You special ed kids like gold stars right?

Him: I don't was it hahaha, and yea I like gold star I get every i leave a brusie

Me: What the fuck is a brusie?

Him: its called a bruise dipshit, remember im retarded

Me: Brusie sounds right bro. I didn't know you were gay. Thats ok I guess. If you like railing dudes thats cool. Watch out for aids!

God, how I wish I could make that a Fail on the anonymous dude's part, and although it was kind of too easy to utterly ownificate someone who was as much of a stupid drunk in this one conversation as Mel Gibson is every day of his life , Lethen, you totally deserve this Win. I shouldn't have to explain to you why, audience, when, for starter's, it's plain as day to first graders that "that" is NOT SPELLED "T-A-H-T."

That, my friends, is why you should never drink and text.

If you drink as much as this guy apparently did, then you will become a DRAWNK TROLL:



No offense to any actual mountain trolls in the audience, but even when you're a sober troll, you're not exactly the smartest clan member in the cave.

Oh, the joys of texting...you know, audience, my mom actually texts more than me lol. :lol: She has to contact a lot of people at work, so maybe that explains it, but I guess I'm the only one who hasn't been caught up in the fad. Nah, just kidding lol.

Our next post comes from the topic I'm still here:

In case anyone missed me, I haven't mysteriously vanished off the face of the Earth.

Stuff hasn't been fun over here. Long story short, I am now single. Made it just past our year anniversary, and then...

Trying to return in a day or so.

Tikal submitted this as a:



...in an AWWWW, poor Anumia kind of way, and I have to agree. Take it from me- it's never easy when a girl breaks up with you. But hang in there, old buddy, old pal (emphasis added ), I'm sure you'll find someone among your female NS descendants who will treat you right. Like I said in that topic, she doesn't deserve a nice guy like you, and I wish all the best.

Our...



...for this week comes from the topic Juries in Europeian Criminal Trials

I support amending court procedure acts to allow jury trials in criminal cases (with bench trials at a defendant's request) for five reasons:

1.) Grand juries (six members) can investigate whether there is enough evidence to bring someone to trial and also conduct investigations of their own, which will help prosecutors make sure that there is enough evidence to bring to trial.

2.) A petit jury of four randomly selected, impartial, ordinary citizens can serve as an unbiased finder of fact, while judges can focus on interpreting the law at hand and instructing the jurors on matters of procedure.

3.) Defendants can still request a bench trial if they want.

4.) If juries find that the law under which the defendant is being prosecuted is unfair or unconstitutional, they can acquit defendants regardless of that law (jury nullification.)

5.) It can help increase democratic participation by allowing Europeian citizens a direct say in criminal trials, and give defendants assurance that they are being tried by their peers.

This is not being posed in response to any particular cases at hand in the High Court. This is just a general addition to the judicial system that I feel would be beneficial.

And this went along with a poll that solidly defeated 20-2 (with one of the Yes votes being his own.) I can say is: what a maroon, a sod, a dolt, a stupid-face, a blockhead! Why? For even thinking that he could just throw a question about juries out there and not be taken to task for it. For getting zero interest in an RP economy that nobody really wanted. For always trolling people for comments on his books and blogs...

How do I know this person is such a massive, colossal, extraordinary, multiple



...ure?

Because, audience, that man...























...is me! GASP! DUM DUM DUM!!!! :lol:

Yes, it is true, audience. The anonymous guy who submitted me as a Fail may be total sexist Republican gun-obsessed asshole around the entire forum (you know who you are ), but for once in his life, he's actually right and not just stubbornly saying he's right until people throw their hands up. But anyway, yeah, I make mistakes, and then I FACEPALM...



Oh, shit, I fail at facepalming too! :lol: Audience, I am just an all-around



Now I will force myself to wear a dunce cap in place of my fedora around Europeia for the rest of my life while AA walks behind me all the time and gloats over his victory. But I am watching you, and don't get cocky. The audience can nominate ANYONE for a fail. Just saying... h43r:



I've sunk to a new low. Thanks for making me feel SO much better about myself.

So, which was the most EPIC? Was it the Anumia Awwww Cute, the Lethen Texting Battle Win, or the Gustavus Fails at Everything Fail? Leave a vote in the poll or post a comment, and I will open a thread next week allowing you to submit nominations for Cutes, Wins, and Fails!

And I leave you with an OUTRO OF FRIGHTENED MCCAIN-NESS!!!!



He must be thinking, "Please, don't mention Sarah Palin to me again! I can't believe I picked that airhead for Vice President! The horror! THE HORROR!!!! And who are these strange people?! Guards, seize them!"

Gustavus Failasaurus Rex out!

 

[Gustavus Adolphus Rex]

Also, this is the poll:

http://z6.****************/Europeia/index....showtopic=22449