Written by Sloosh
"Anumia's mass of children."
"The pigeon no-fly zone over Anumia."
"Anumiancest."
What do all of these have in common?
Yes, they're in English. Yes, they're sentences. Yes, you're reading them. Yes, you're a smartass and should shut up.
The important thing they have in common is that they are all responses given by everyday Europeian citizens to the following question: "what first comes to mind when you hear the phrase 'controversial issues in Europeian politics?'". It seems that our citizens struggle to answer this question without referring to the Allfather's (admittedly impressive) virility. A number of other responses were given, but most of them consisted of graphic descriptions of things Kraken has done with his tentacles that my editor deemed unfit to print. Just between you and me: the word "schoolgirls" came up an unsettling number of times.
Now, I don't know about you, but this (the nature of the responses mentioned-not Kraken's heinous crimes against humanity) is extremely disturbing to me as a citizen of this great region. When asked a serious question regarding our very own politics, the most we can come up with are jokes about Anumia? Seriously? The word "Georgetown" was not uttered even once. One must ask themselves exactly what sort of integration the Ministry of Interior was working on last term if our newcomers aren't familiar with Remsol and his mighty Georgetown education.
But no one seemed concerned! There were even a few giggles from bystanders, and an eldritch shriek from Senator Fortunado's office that I'm going to pretend, for the sake of my own sanity, was laughter. I feared for the future of Europeia. If our everyday citizens are clueless about what is going on outside of the Republic Square, what future does our region have?
This intrepid reporter set out, hoping to dispel his fears.
"Europeian politics? We have those?" one citizen said. "I thought that poll thing the other day was for a beauty pageant."
I was discouraged, but thought that perhaps this was a fluke. After all, we're playing a goddamn political simulator, right?
"Political simulator?" another citizen said, pausing from crushing anthills to speak with me. "I thought this was a sadist torture porn game. Am I not supposed to be deliberately oppressing my citizens, or something?"
I muttered a hasty goodbye, and left as soon I could.
Profoundly disturbed at this point, I took a break from my work to try and drown my fears at a local bar. I was relieved to find respite there, until a garage band that had been hired for live music began to perform a song called "Wake Up Sheeple". This was followed by "Coincidence? We think Not", "The Euro Mafia Is Real", and "Kraken and Kittens Both Have K's In Their Names Which Clearly Makes Them Illuminati". I cringed at every off-tune twang of the guitar and deafening crash of the drum as it became obvious to me that the most politically aware citizens in this region are all members of a band called "See Through The Fluoride Lies".
Readers, I implore you. Please try to figure out what the frick-frack snick-snack paddyshack-caddywack* is going on in your region. I hear that if you scroll down the forums for long enough, there's this mysterious subforum called the "University of Europeia". Legends say it houses the greatest collection of NS literature in the world with which to educate yourself.
But that's just a rumor.
*Author's note: following the recent passing of the Vulgar Language Restriction Act, I have been forced to revert to primitive forms of swearing such as this.
