Welcome to Faux News, a division of Fox News Media. 17% more factual than Fox News!
-Europeian pharmacies are selling out of pregnancy tests as many of the female members that took shelter in Lethen's safety bunker pray they didn't come out with any "little zombies" during the orgy to repopulate Europeia that took place during the Halloween zombie event. Any pregnancies that arise will only cause further lineage confusion, as many of the members of Europeia are already from the Anumia or Shaw families. Further mating will result in family trees that are almost impossible to trace without calculus.
-In a fit of rage Grand Admiral Cerian Quilor has declared war on all stairs after he stubbed his toe on one. He claims that a part of his body(a Europeian asset) was assaulted by the evil menace known as stairs, and that the ERN must engage in an all out war on the sometimes carpeted menace. Many are comparing this campaign to Caligula's campaign waged against the ocean. When presented with this Cerian was flattered, stating "Caligular has always been a personal hero of mine. Especially near the end, that's when he got really badass."
-Anumia has been seen flirting with many statues, and it is believed that Statue Mating Season is upon us. If you have any statues in your garden or outside your house it is advised you move them inside your house if this is possible. Bob Barker reminds you to have your statues spayed or neutered.
-Europeian pharmacies are selling out of pregnancy tests as many of the female members that took shelter in Lethen's safety bunker pray they didn't come out with any "little zombies" during the orgy to repopulate Europeia that took place during the Halloween zombie event. Any pregnancies that arise will only cause further lineage confusion, as many of the members of Europeia are already from the Anumia or Shaw families. Further mating will result in family trees that are almost impossible to trace without calculus.
-In a fit of rage Grand Admiral Cerian Quilor has declared war on all stairs after he stubbed his toe on one. He claims that a part of his body(a Europeian asset) was assaulted by the evil menace known as stairs, and that the ERN must engage in an all out war on the sometimes carpeted menace. Many are comparing this campaign to Caligula's campaign waged against the ocean. When presented with this Cerian was flattered, stating "Caligular has always been a personal hero of mine. Especially near the end, that's when he got really badass."
-Anumia has been seen flirting with many statues, and it is believed that Statue Mating Season is upon us. If you have any statues in your garden or outside your house it is advised you move them inside your house if this is possible. Bob Barker reminds you to have your statues spayed or neutered.
only one factual inaccuracy, or rather, a misleading comment. The ratio of Anumians to Shaws is something like 50:1 
