We Can Do Better
By the Fireside with First Minister Lloenflys - 5/13/19
Written by Lloenflys
An Opinion Article
(12 Pope Lexus Lane, Europeia - May 13, 2019) To the people of Europeia, I wish you greetings and felicitations on this lovely Monday evening. As I sit here tonight by the recently-installed fireplace in 12 Pope Lexus Lane (former First Minister Rand had a rubber ducky museum in this space, but I have more classical tastes), I find myself in a contemplative mood. Time in this office goes quickly, and my term is already well over 10% complete. When I first sat down several days ago to write this first of my weekly EBC addresses to the region I had intended to talk a bit about how the Ministers were settling in and expand on plans for the term. Instead, I found my mind wandering to a separate question - one which, honestly, I've been a bit hesitant to broach. Real life circumstances have conveniently kept me busy enough to justify holding off on publishing this column while I considered whether it was more appropriate to move forward with the safer, milder column or the one which could invite some criticism. I've decided for the later.
Let me start with several disclaimers. First, this is ultimately meant to be a positive piece coming from a positive place. I will not be "calling people out." I will not be quoting specific posts, or citing specific instances of behavior, or anything similar. Second, I am keenly aware that winning an election as first minister does not make me a moral authority of any kind. It does not give me the right or the responsibility to police the culture of the region. We, together, establish the culture that we want to operate in. Each individual determines the moral principles that they follow. I get it, and I respect that. Nonetheless, winning an election to a position of leadership in the region carries with it something of a "bully pulpit," and sometimes it is appropriate to use that pulpit to address uncomfortable truths. I'm taking the opportunity to do that know, fully aware that the "eyeroll to nod" quotient is going to be remarkably high with this post. Oh well, you all know I'm a little sanctimonious and full on corny, here's just more proof for you
And so, onto the main point of this article. You can't help but have noticed some rather tense moments in Europeia over the past couple of weeks. I'm not referring to basic political tensions or disagreements - this is a political region discussing political events. There darn well better be arguments, discussions, and maneuvering or its going to get boring awfully quickly. I'm referring to things that cut more personal. Arguments that are not centered on gameplay but on who people are, what they believe, how they act. While none of this stuff is "off limits," I know that I'm not the only one to have read a few threads over the last couple of weeks only to think "this isn't who we are, and it's not who we should be - we can do better."
Ultimately, that's all that I'm asking of us as a region. Let's do better with how we treat our fellow Citizens. I don't have a magical formula for what that means, but I do have a few suggestions that I think will usually apply, and that if followed will help us all enjoy our time here more. I leave these here as suggestions, hopeful that maybe something will resonate with someone and be of at least some use. And if not? Well, I took a shot at using my bully pulpit for a cause I think is worthwhile, and that seems worthwhile to me. Here's my list:
1) Avoid making assumptions about people's motivations. In my experience, such assumptions are usually wrong.
2) Avoid piling on. Sometimes, clear public opinion goes against a person - but there's a fine line between making it clear that there is widespread opposition, and just kicking someone when they're down. If you're going to contribute to a thread where something like this is happening, at least take a moment to consider if you're adding anything to what has already been said or if you're just piling on unnecessarily. Also ask yourself whether the "offense" is truly worth the public ridicule a person is facing in this situation. I'm not always saying it isn't - but there are definitely times when it is not.
3) Always recognize that people are complicated and have a lot of things going on that you can't see. The person you're about to escalate an argument with may have found out they're being laid off in 2 weeks, or that a family member is seriously ill. Maybe they're dealing with a mental health issue, or a financial problem, or are just having an all around bad day. Sometimes, just letting something sit is a better option than responding.
4) Before hitting "post," ask yourself if something you are about to say might be misinterpreted. You may have a perfectly valid point to make, but might be saying it in an especially direct way that is likely to be misinterpreted as criticism (making it more likely the point will be ignored while also making it more likely someone will take offense - a double whammy of unintended consequences). Speaking in bland, flowery language all the time isn't what I'm suggesting - just be aware of what you're saying and how you're saying it, and consider whether it might not better serve your purpose to take a different approach.
5) Walk away and think about it before you say anything in the heat of a moment. Oftentimes merely waiting for 5 minutes is enough. There's a reason things tend to rise to a flashpoint more quickly and more often in Discord than on the forum (although of course it happens here too!). Usually there is more of a chance to cool down in the forum that isn't there in Discord. Stepping away for a few minutes can be a hugely valuable tool to keep things in check.
I hope if you read this far that you take these thoughts to heart. Let's keep our arguments in the realm of politics, and strive to be a supportive, welcoming and friendly community outside of that battleground. Thank you for joining me this week.
First Minister Lloenflys
