Ask Sopo: The Reprint



Ask Sopo
Europeia's Advice Column​

Dear Sopo,

I'm graduating high school in a few months and going to University in the fall. I really want to be popular at University. What do I do?

Yours,
Desperately Seeking Sorority Girls
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Dear Desperately,

It's easy! All you have to do to be popular is be so loud that no one can ignore you. This includes not only loud talking, but "loud" dress. Bright colors and conflicting patterns will draw all eyes to you. From there, the campus is your oyster! Those sorority girls will be eating out of the palm of your hand.

Sincerely,
Sopo

Dear Sopo,

I have a male friend who can't seem to take a hint. He keeps flirting with me and hitting on me, but I am so not interested. How can I make it clear to him that he's in the friendzone and he should move on?

Yours,
Lady Evading That Horrible Entendre Now
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Dear Evading,

Kick him in the balls the next time he tries something.

Sincerely,
Sopo

Quote

Dear Sopo,

I'm interested in owning a pet sloth. Any tips for care of such an animal?

Yours,
Slowly Considering Sloths
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Dear Slowly,

Sloth care is incredibly difficult. Since they move so slowly, they have a bad habit of leaving feces in undesirable places. They eat quite a bit, but often struggle to make it to their food at mealtimes, so you must place it directly in front of them. They also have a symbiotic relationship with algae, so I hope you like your home smelling like a swamp! Happy slothing.

Sincerely,
Sopo



Ask Sopo will be returning to Europeia as a part of the EBC. If you have a question for Dear Sopo that you would like to appear in the column, please send a message to Sopo, who just may provide you with the answers you've been seeking.
 
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That acronym can't be coincidental...
 
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