Ask Sopo
Europeia's Advice Column
Dear Sopo,
I'm graduating high school in a few months and going to University in the fall. I really want to be popular at University. What do I do?
Yours,
Desperately Seeking Sorority Girls
Dear Desperately,
It's easy! All you have to do to be popular is be so loud that no one can ignore you. This includes not only loud talking, but "loud" dress. Bright colors and conflicting patterns will draw all eyes to you. From there, the campus is your oyster! Those sorority girls will be eating out of the palm of your hand.
Sincerely,
Sopo
Dear Sopo,
I have a male friend who can't seem to take a hint. He keeps flirting with me and hitting on me, but I am so not interested. How can I make it clear to him that he's in the friendzone and he should move on?
Yours,
Lady Evading That Horrible Entendre Now
Dear Evading,
Kick him in the balls the next time he tries something.
Sincerely,
Sopo
Quote
Dear Sopo,
I'm interested in owning a pet sloth. Any tips for care of such an animal?
Yours,
Slowly Considering Sloths
Dear Slowly,
Sloth care is incredibly difficult. Since they move so slowly, they have a bad habit of leaving feces in undesirable places. They eat quite a bit, but often struggle to make it to their food at mealtimes, so you must place it directly in front of them. They also have a symbiotic relationship with algae, so I hope you like your home smelling like a swamp! Happy slothing.
Sincerely,
Sopo
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