This Is A Thread About Nothing

[Hezekon]

Depression is hard. Kirwen knew that much. She hadn't thought too much about it in her life, really. She'd understood it existed. And she knew people that had it. But she never felt like it was something that she quite understood. Not in its core. There was too much meat in there, she figured, to get at the essence of depression. She had asked others who had it what it felt like, and she did the best cheering up those who were in trouble when they reached out to her. But ultimately, she always felt she ran a bit short of true understanding. Never quite made sense of it.

And then, it seemed, one day she was doing nothing for a long time. It had been like this for a while. And she started to think. She didn't want to do anything. She did, but she didn't seem to have the motivation for it. It was the strangest thing. She'd been so active. She'd been so outgoing. What the hell happened? This wasn't her, she wasn't a hermit. What the hell was going on? And that's when it really hit home. Might this be what a depression is? She thought, surely no, this seems entirely too trivial a feeling to be the down-and-out killer of emotions that is depression. She's just having a rough patch. It'll get better. It's a normal thing.

Except it never really did. She continued, day after day, to go through the motions, to go to work, to come home, sleep, wake up, eat, and do nothing until going to work. It was like this for months. And it never really let up. There would be spikes of activity, but it wasn't … it didn't feel like it had before. It was … it was odd. Ultimately, Kirwen is still unsure what exactly is up with her. But it was a question she wasn't sure she wanted to answer.

Time would tell.

 

[Lloenflys]

The problem with doing nothing, of course, is that eventually people notice. Kirwen's friends would call and ask her to go to the new art exhibit featuring Dali-inspired work ... something that she had often spoken passionately about in the past. But now the thought of going out didn't provoke any positive emotions at all, and the idea of sitting at home was ... maybe not better, but more manageable. Going out, varying the routine, required effort. Going into public meant faking it, and smiling, and making small talk. It meant cleaning the bottom of her coat, which had been soiled by winter. At least, if she didn't want people to notice that she was just letting the dirt and salt build up. So she would make excuses. She was busy, or she had work to make up, or she wasn't feeling well. At first she tried to vary the excuses, like an excuse rolodex in her head, but that required a lot of effort and eventually she just threw an excuse out regardless of whether it made sense or had been used. People were too polite, generally, to call her out on it. And if they did she would just pretend to get aggravated and they'd back off.

This continued for awhile, but eventually people get sick of trying if the answer is always no, and eventually Kirwen noticed that no one was bothering to call anymore. She supposed she should feel lonely, but she didn't really feel anything.

 

[Hezekon]

BUMPS IN THE NIGHT