- Pronouns
- He/Him
She will come
September 22nd 2020
By Olde Delaware
I must have heard that comment a dozen or so times at my mom's funeral.
She will come.
Everyone I knew seemed to want to stop by and pass on to me the story that after their loved one died they would have a dream where they visit and sit on the edge of their bed. They came by in single file, every single one relaying the same story.
That she will come.
In the 16 months since my mom passed away, she hasn't come.
I used to think it was because maybe I had done something wrong or maybe she was angry with me for not doing enough or making the wrong decisions as her Power of Attorney despite doing everything possible. I had sleepless nights, nights where I would beg the day to come and free me from a night where my mom didn't come as so many people said she would. A chance to see her face, to tell her about what was going on with me, to ask advice, to just talk. Everyone else had had their closure, why won't she come to me.
But then at work, a curious thing happened. I sat down to eat my sandwich and one of those ghost shows was on and one of the talking heads said something that broke me. "Sometimes spirits stay here because their not ready to go, they are worried about someone or something and not ready to let go." the person said. Then it hit me, my mom had been so sick for such a long time, we had often talked about what I would do if she got sick and passed suddenly, what I would do, where would I go. I assured her every time we talked that I would be ok.
Then I realized. She hasn't come because I had assured her I would be ok if she passed and went home.
Still, some nights I catch myself sleeping a little lighter in the hopes she will come.
She remains so close in my heart and memory and yet so far away.
September 22nd 2020
By Olde Delaware
I must have heard that comment a dozen or so times at my mom's funeral.
She will come.
Everyone I knew seemed to want to stop by and pass on to me the story that after their loved one died they would have a dream where they visit and sit on the edge of their bed. They came by in single file, every single one relaying the same story.
That she will come.
In the 16 months since my mom passed away, she hasn't come.
I used to think it was because maybe I had done something wrong or maybe she was angry with me for not doing enough or making the wrong decisions as her Power of Attorney despite doing everything possible. I had sleepless nights, nights where I would beg the day to come and free me from a night where my mom didn't come as so many people said she would. A chance to see her face, to tell her about what was going on with me, to ask advice, to just talk. Everyone else had had their closure, why won't she come to me.
But then at work, a curious thing happened. I sat down to eat my sandwich and one of those ghost shows was on and one of the talking heads said something that broke me. "Sometimes spirits stay here because their not ready to go, they are worried about someone or something and not ready to let go." the person said. Then it hit me, my mom had been so sick for such a long time, we had often talked about what I would do if she got sick and passed suddenly, what I would do, where would I go. I assured her every time we talked that I would be ok.
Then I realized. She hasn't come because I had assured her I would be ok if she passed and went home.
Still, some nights I catch myself sleeping a little lighter in the hopes she will come.
She remains so close in my heart and memory and yet so far away.
