[Satirical Corners] Everyday Europeians: An Exploration of Newcomers Hall






Everyday Europeians:
An Exploration of Newcomers Hall

Written by Istillian




(Europeia - November 6, 2020) The Europeian Broadcasting Corporation (EBC) recently sent out its reporters into Europeia's central location, the Newcomers Hall, in an effort to see the front lines of activity in the region for our newcomers and everyday citizens.

An enthusiastic, albeit somewhat fanatical staff member from the Ministry of Interior greeted us almost instantly as we walked through the hall doors. Going by the name of R5SlayZ, the individual looked pale and dazed from the likely countless hours of button clicking. R5SlayZ gave us some fantastic insights about a recruitment competition that he was designing for current interior minister, Malashaan; according to R5SlayZ it’s going to be "really cool" and will "definitely attract a lot of nations [that] hopefully won't cease to exist soon."

The program should only take "about three or seven weeks to design and implement”, although they added the caveat that "it may be next term [before anything even happens]”. The idea promotes a low time investment of just one hour a day from our entire pool of recruitment and interior staff doing recruitment for a currently undetermined length of time. "We could even have two new citizens by mid next year!" R5SlayZ excitedly mentioned as our reporters anxiously tried to move beyond the barrage of “Welcome’s” from the rest of the staff. Solid plans there, the EBC is excited for what you'll come up with next, R5SlayZ.

Handing out free pens with a "Come Join Comms" logo on them was a brand-spankin’ new staffer from the ministry of communications, HMIX. Appearing overworked and exhausted, HMIX had some inside gossip for us from the recent leadership changes. “Yeah, so turns out Forilian didn’t really want to quit, Seva made a typo, and instead of addressing the Upvote Squad, he asked for a Firing Squad. Now Forilian is recovering in hospital from internal bleeding.” Our thoughts and prayers go out to Forilian in this time of difficulty.

After going into a side street for a cup of coffee, we were approached by a man in worn out naval service attire. Scratching his arms and shaking nervously, he approached cautiously. “Hey, hey, you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. Wanna get some cards man? I got some cards right here – this one’s from the Presidents own collection. The [redacted] President, man!” After backing away slowly, the man, appearing to also be inebriated, shouted, “Come join the ERN, we’d love to have you!”

Sitting on a park bench, an older Europeian, [name removed], was surrounded by a group of young faces looking enthralled. A long winding resume sat next to him on display for the crowd, mainly filled with duties from other regions outside of Europeia from ten years ago. “I bet I can top whatever you youngsters have ever done, you’ve only been here three months. I was banned from five regions in my first year, this one region just couldn’t handle me updating their laws to make sense."

A by-stander offhandedly listening mentioned, “If talking out your backside was an art-form, this has-been is Michelangelo.” The EBC reporters were happy to see our older generation getting back into the game, and educating newer citizens.

Making our way back to Newcomers Hall, our EBC reporters went through a side-door displaying a flickering blue and green neon number twenty four above it, in order for us to avoid the mass of welcoming from our incredible Interior staff. We were greeted by the World Assembly Affairs deputy minister. "Welcome to the lab, and to the minister's new program, IV's for IFV's." Our friendly deputy explained this new initiative was to have staff resting in shifts, always having one person scouting for up-and-coming proposals, while the other staff rest until an Information for Voter's write-up is needed. We asked the deputy minister if this was an effective strategy. "Oh honey, do you think the Minister isn't looking our for your best interests? Come here, have a rest - " We quickly moved on in order to finish our exploration.

We ended our day with trying to visit the Palace of the People, however, a giant “Closed for Business” banner covered the building, and the word “Toxxic” was spray painted across the front steps. With the upcoming Senate elections, it is clear that people are trying to get elected to secure a quiet retirement.

 
:LOL: This literally had me laughing out loud at a few parts
 
I always have your best interest in mind, as long as yours coincide with mine of course :p
 
This was a lot of fun!
 
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