[SATIRE] Local News: Europeia Unharmed, Arrested After Car Crash During First Driving Lesson


Stuck in 2020
Deputy Minister
ARNHELM -- A local teen is reportedly unharmed after experiencing a "minor traffic accident" during their first driving lesson. The teen has since been identified as Europeia, aged 16, from Arnhelm. The crash occurred in the parking lot on the corner of Great HEM Way and Supreme Leader Seva Avenue shortly after 8:30am earlier today, during Europeia's driving lesson. This was the teen's first driving lesson, as they only hit the legal age limit for driving today.

"I first asked them to pull out of the parking lot," said Europeia's driving instructor, who wishes to remain anonymous. "Europeia barely managed that before ramming the car directly into a tree and totalling the vehicle. Looking back, they were slurring their words so badly, they were probably drunk -- I should not have let them drive... I just assumed they were really sleepy because it was so early..."

A breathlyzer test revealed that Europeia had over 45 times the legal limit of alcohol in their system at the time of the accident. The teen was reportedly in a "banger of a party" the night before according to sources, as it was the teen's 16th birthday today. Europeia has been charged with a count of underage drinking and a count of driving under influence, and is expected to stand trial tomorrow in the Great Court of HEM. Europeia will remain in custody until then.

A Real Newspaper wishes Europeia a happy birthday and best of luck in their upcoming trial.

In other news, ChatGPT has been awarded Employee of the Month by the Europeian government for their excellent contributions to language and communication in the region.