[SATIRE] BREAKING: Successor Sopo Has Couped Europeia, Impacts Minimal

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ARNHELM -- In his last act as Successor, Mr. Sopo Chastain, a long-time honoured citizen of the region, declared himself Lord Protector, Son of Nethel, and Emperor, God-King, and President-for-Life of Europeia earlier today. Mr. Chastain, known for his coup in The South Pacific a few years ago as well as being a sloth, forced Founder and Governor HEM to abdicate at gunpoint in a televised speech shortly before noon EDT today.

Pundits predicted that Sopo had originally planned to get HEM to abdicate, cede the Governorship to him, then cancel the region's transition to Frontier in order to cement power forever -- however, being a sloth, Mr. Chastain was slightly too late. Sopo became Governor at 11:59:47 EDT; he then purportedly accidentally clicked into his plans to coup TSP from years ago, his Amazon order for a sloth costume, and a Word doc containing a draft declaration that pandas were the same animal as sloths before finally managing to log into NationStates. Unfortunately for him, it was too late. By the time Sopo clicked into the regional admin page for Europeia, the clocks had struck 12:00 EDT and Europeia was officially a Frontier, rendering his newfound powers useless.

Sopo was immediately arrested after his loss of power and charged with seventeen counts of high treason, kidnapping, and other assorted crimes. Mr. Chastain will stand trial in the High Court tomorrow. Legal experts predict that Sopo will be spared a ban given his long-time service to Europeia, and will instead be exiled to West Europeia for life as punishment. The Goldenblock has refrained from commenting on the case, or whether President Rand will decide to pardon Mr. Chastain.

In other news, World Assembly Delegate and regionally-beloved turtle Le Libertie has reportedly been training his reflex skills in order to prepare for the need to quickly banject offending nations post-Frontier conversion.

A REAL NEWSPAPER -- EUROPEIA'S FINEST NEWS SOURCE
 
The sloth empire was as glorious as it was lengthy.

Long live our fallen sloth governor.
 
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I was planning to pardon Sopo only if his plot was successful. Seeing as it wasn't, I will now distance myself by strongly condemning his actions.
New evidence has surfaced, revealing Sopo's plans to "dispose of" President Rand and his entire administration after seizing power... 👀
 
I was planning to pardon Sopo only if his plot was successful. Seeing as it wasn't, I will now distance myself by strongly condemning his actions.
New evidence has surfaced, revealing Sopo's plans to "dispose of" President Rand and his entire administration after seizing power... 👀
sounds right
 
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