A Conversation about ADHD
A Project Keller Article
Written by Ervald
For this article for Project Keller, I sat down with @Istillian who is an accomplished member of our region who has served in many roles; we specifically discussed his experience with having Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and how that has impacted his life on here and in the real world.
Hi! Thank you for agreeing to this interview. Why don't you start off by telling us a little about yourself and why you joined Europeia?
Istillian: My nation name is Istillian, and I’m a proud dad and husband from Western Australia in my real life, and I originally founded my nation in 2009 after a suggestion from my Political Science Professor at University. I occasionally came back to NationStates every few years to answer issues and play around with factbooks. I received a telegram from Mousebumples in 2016 and felt a strong connection to the region then, and dabbled in the gameside of Europeia. Finally, in 2019, I was sitting in a hospital room watching over my daughter trying to find a world outside of my own at that time, and I decided to take the plunge and actually apply for citizenship - thankfully, I found an incredibly welcoming and wonderful community that I have cherished ever since.
What about Europeia has made you stay here? Was it just the community or was there something more?
Istillian: I think for me when involving myself in a ministry or project I found that there was always a challenge that motivated me, and I kind of got hooked by that. Whether that was successfully teasing out an article for the EBC, or going up the ranks in the Navy by attending ops and learning different military techniques, the difficulty of a task and then reward was really satisfying. Ultimately there are many areas in my real life, whether broadly politically speaking, or within my community, that I felt I had no or very little control over. Whereas in Europeia, part of the enjoyment (apart from working alongside some great people) was seeing actual real change so evidently from your own contributions. Being able to uplift a community while speaking so openly and directly about my opinion and beliefs really motivated me.
I absolutely agree with you on that. Not just as a citizen of a country whose political system seems so broken, but also as a government employee where good solutions to problem can fall into atrophy by politicians or my boss. Transitioning to the interview topic at hand. As you know, this is part of Project Keller which is about giving greater visibility to disabled users of NationStates and you volunteered for this stating you have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). ADHD, just like someone who is deaf or blind, is considered a disability but not everyone who has it may consider themselves disabled. ADHD is covered by the U.S. Americans with Disabilities Act but in Australia, it is not covered by the National Disability Insurance Scheme. For those not familiar about it, what is the biggest aspect about having ADHD do you feel like most people do not understand?
Istillian: I think that's a really good point about it not being covered by the NDIS, and if I may segue just a little bit, as a parent of a child that has also been diagnosed with ADHD, we had to fight so hard just to have an education plan that recognised ADHD. And knowing families with children that have types of ADHD that medication can assist with, financially, this can be a huge burden. On to your point, I think that's a tricky one. For example, I now have developed a lot of techniques for managing my distraction levels when I'm struggling to concentrate, and I have a lot more restraint now, where I used to be quite impulsive. There has been a lot of trial and error in managing my own symptoms, but I think what a lot of folks don't understand is how ADHD can look so different in people because it's a spectrum, and managing symptoms can look different for everyone with it. It can also be mightily difficult to diagnose in girls compared to boys for various reasons, but I was quite lucky to recognise the same behaviours in my daughter that I have, which helped us get a diagnosis and support for her early on.
I totally get that. I did not have the same struggle but I definitely had teachers in school and college who would act so befuddled about the need to have accommodations. So even retaining that can be a challenge. As it is on such a wide spectrum, what does ADHD look like for you in symptoms? And if you're comfortable sharing, how different does your daughter's ADHD symptoms look like compared to yours?
Istillian: I think for symptoms it's a tricky one. I might digress on this a little bit to give my context before I give an answer: I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was seven years old after a suggestion from my school teacher, and after my Mum had noticed my distraction levels at school when I was uninterested in work, and my impulsiveness. However, my dad had a huge issue with recognising any kind of disability in his children, and did not believe in neurodivergence. When he found out about my Mum taking me for an assessment, the following diagnosis, and then the recommendation for medication, he refused to let my Mum get any further support for me. So I didn't find out I even had an ADHD diagnosis until my Mum opened up about it when I was about 18 when filling out a medical history questionnaire.
I mention this only because when answering your question, I can give you the challenges I faced as a teenager and child, and the coping mechanisms I now know. As a teenager, and into my early twenties, my symptoms often manifested as hyper focus on tasks, distraction when sitting, time blindness (having caused things like sleep issues, diet issues forgetting to eat, or not making planned appointments), depression and anxiety, particularly when related to dysfunction out of normal routines or when feeling like I had underachieved, and when managing tasks (like university or school work.)
My coping mechanisms now are as simple as using a fidget gadget regularly when sitting in work meetings, using a journal to write out my struggles (as both solution management and stress relieving), and the big one being going to the gym and running regularly to get my dopamine hits. Thankfully with support from my wife I manage my symptoms really well now, but knowing my disability and figuring out those management techniques as I go along has made all the difference to both me, and in assisting my daughter too.
With my daughter there are a lot of similarities, but some differences are her overall emotional regulation, anxiety and pressure to perform alongside her peers, and difficulties with falling back asleep due to getting overstimulated quickly.
That makes sense. As someone who did go undiagonsed for a long time and now has a child diagnosed with ADHD; do you have any advice for teenagers reading this who think they might have ADHD but are not diagnosed yet, especially if their parents are dismissive about it? Or perhaps advice for an older user here who has a child newly diagnosed with ADHD?
Istillian: Of course. What I would recommend for parents is to write down any patterns of behaviour, and to discuss those with your child's education provider to see if they have noticed similar behaviours. Schools nowadays are a lot more educated about ADHD, and it also helps the teacher to have an education plan in place. Having your child's school provide a referral or recommendation for an assessment makes the assessment and diagnosis process a lot easier overall. I'd also recommend doing some research into ADHD specialists (psychologists and psychiatrists) in your area for support too.
For people, especially teenagers, that think they may have ADHD but may not have the support of their caregivers or peers, I'd suggest a similar approach of writing down things about themselves that they've noticed, particularly patterns of behaviour. Whether that's distractions or difficulties focusing on school work, or emotional outbursts that seem to be unexplained. In a supportive environment I would suggest talking to your teacher or school counsellor about it, but if this is something you're uncomfortable with, look at management techniques. That could be listening to certain types of music while doing tasks, setting timers throughout the day to remind you of when to stop an activity and to take breaks, or to buy a fidget toy to help you concentrate while you're in a long class session or lecture. But definitely do some research on what may work best for you.
That is incredibly good advice, and I notice some people that have ADHD I personally know actually do some of those same habits that you suggest. A lot of people nowadays, especially younger people, are being exposed to what ADHD and neurodivergence and other kind of disabilities can look like and going "oh wait, that might actually be me". With that being said, whether officially diagnosed with ADHD or not, have you ever faced any challenges navigating online communities including Europeia and NationStates as someone with ADHD?
Istillian: Immediately I want to say no, because while we might engage in a lot of debate and discourse about other topics, I've found a lot of likeminded folks that are really understanding and supportive. I think from my own personal view there have been times where I've focused too much on NS and burnt myself out without realising. But once again, the community across NS is very understanding about this. The only caveat I'd have here is that initially I was very cautious about even talking about having ADHD because of my own preconceived ideas on how others would perceive me having it. Whether that was thinking people would see it as a weakness or a crutch has always been something I've felt self-conscious about when opening up. Now I see it as a strength when I get past barriers I didn't think I could, but that confidence and perspective has taken time to develop.
That makes sense and I can relate to that in a way; I was always open about my hearing loss but tried to dismiss it. I remember when I did a radio interview for my senate candidacy and despite the interviewer, Pichtonia, being understanding about it, I had an interview that should have been 15 minute but was instead closer to 40 minutes because I was struggling so much to understand him. And I felt like people judged me for that and that is why I lost the election. Even though, it most likely wasn't. It took me a while to realize that I didn't need to be on radio or listen to radio all the time to try have a successful career here. Was there a moment for you when you realized that ADHD was not a weakness and you could see it as a strength? Whether that moment happened in real life or on NS?
Istillian: I would love to give a better answer here, but honestly, I've never felt like it is entirely a strength. There have been times when I've felt like I've fixated on a task in a hyper focused state and achieved a goal, both in NS, or in areas of my career when I've felt under immense pressure or stress, because in those moments my mind is never clearer.
But with it also comes exhaustion and frustration. For example, I remember when I first purchased my home and I got obsessive about DIY and testing different paints. While my home looked amazing at the end of it, my wife still describes those moments as manic for me, I could barely sleep, could barely have a conversation or focus on anything else. Similarly to when I first discovered R/D on NS, I think we had about two pages of operations in the Octagon after I gained the authority to point, not including operations I was mercing in or joining other militaries for, I became obsessed - but that came at the cost of many breaks during the day I could have been taking, and I never gave my brain a rest. And for the alternative, I know there's been times when I've become agitated with a task half way through and it's taken me years to pick it up again (or I've left it by the wayside altogether.)
While they're all fairly loose examples, I see my ADHD more as a balancing act, appreciating my victories where I can, and working through my struggles when I recognise that it's my ADHD brain leading me there.
I absolutely agree with you. I think we sometimes have a culture of toxic positivity around disabilities and sometimes it is just...sucks. There have been days when I misheard someone or I couldn't access captioning and it just made me want to have a meltdown. And I understand your experience about the paint story especially, I am constantly paranoid about what I didn't hear. So I am always checking if I turned the faucets or stove off. It hasn't impacted me as much on NS as it is so text-heavy but, obviously, I have shared my frustrations about not always being able to listen to radio shows. It is absolutely a balancing act. So, I'll get to the big question.....do you consider yourself disabled?
Istillian: That's actually a tougher question than I expected. ADHD is something I've lived with my whole life, but it was only as an adult that I learnt the real reason why I'd always felt there were differences with how my brain worked as a child and as a teenager. Everything seemed to click together in hindsight when I learned of my diagnosis, but it really made me begin to question a lot about myself too.
I am who I am because of my ADHD, and I'm proud of that fact; but if I had the opportunity to live my life again and not have ADHD, I'd leap at that chance. So yes, I do consider myself disabled, but I'd never let that stop me from taking on any challenge.
That makes absolute sense. Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview; it was very eye-opening. Do you have any last comments to share?
Istillian: Honestly Erv, thank you for doing this project, and for helping me have the confidence to open up about my own struggles.
To anyone out there going through similar struggles, you're definitely not alone. While I absolutely recommend talking to a specialist about getting help, what I wish I knew earlier was to just treat yourself with a little bit of kindness in those tough times. Neurodivergence can be a frustrating thing, but especially when looking back on your own behaviour or when you're receiving feedback (on NS especially). In those moments, be honest with your mates and yourself with how you're feeling, and be gentle with your mental health most of all.
