In Search of Serenity

sanjurika

Orange Fanter
Citizen
Pronouns
he/him
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In a lot of ways, this is a very strange thing to write. In fact, I don’t actually know why I’m writing this… Maybe I just need to scratch the itch that writing speeches for the OSC was able to handle. After stepping away from politics after my Vice Chancellor and cabinet terms ended, I had a lot of things to think about. Specifically, things not at all related to NationStates.

For the first time since 2016, I have no desire to do anything in this game.

It’s a really strange feeling. It’s not quite the feeling you get when you “beat” a game. For the first few weeks, I couldn’t really place what the feeling was. It feels more like I have nothing else to add. After all, this game has been an almost daily part of my life for the better part of 7 years. This game has been with me through some of the hardest years of my life. And I’d be willing to bet it will continue to be with me through the good things to come.

In a lot of ways, it’s been nice to log off. Touch some grass if you will. Actually not really, I think I probably spend just as much time online as I did a year ago. But you get it. It’s nice to have a little change of pace.

I don’t think I realized how burnt out I was until after I had nothing to do. Ever since I joined Europeia, I’ve either been working toward a higher position or working to fulfill the said position. That’s a lot of time sunk into this region. And don’t get me wrong, I’d do it all over again! But I think going forward I need to put better effort into pacing myself. Not being afraid to say no as it were.

Yesterday was a good day. Hung out with some friends. Went to an event where we ate pancakes. Locked myself in the library for a couple of hours and ground out some work I’d been holding off on doing. Came home and watched football and Formula 1. Clutched up in the Fantasy Football league I share with my high school friends. Went for a little walk then watched my TV shows before going to bed. In other words, my ideal day.

As I’m writing this, I’ve kind of realized I don’t know who I’m writing this for. I’m not trying to encourage anyone to do anything different. I think this is just for me. Maybe to put in writing what I’ve had on my mind.

I think I will for sure commit more time to Europeia eventually. Isn’t it a joke that no one truly leaves NS? I’m sure I’m not the first person to feel these things about this game.

Lately, I’ve started to practice the guitar again. There’s a certain untouchable satisfaction to feeling the strings bend under your fingers. Make music. Feel emotions you’ve never felt before. My fingers hurt though. Not used to the pressure.

Ok, that’s it bye.



It’s been about four weeks since I wrote this. I didn’t intend to publish this, and I haven’t edited it. I just don’t want my little newspaper space to be archived just yet. Actually, it’s a very real possibility I’ll just delete this when I inevitably get embarrassed by my past self.
 
Don't delete this. It's authentic and heartfelt. And something we can all relate to at a certain point in our NS lives.

Isn't it great to have no real deadlines in this game?
 
I remember leaving the game of NS for nearly a year with the same feeling of contentment. The hole of companionship the game was filling was filled by my friends and loved ones. I came back to the game because I genuinely enjoyed it, no longer because I needed it.

Go touch grass and do good!
 
This brought up so many of my own feelings towards the NS community and real life, and it was especially touching to see that familiarity written here. This was a beautiful read Sanju, thank you.
 
I remember leaving the game of NS for nearly a year with the same feeling of contentment. The hole of companionship the game was filling was filled by my friends and loved ones. I came back to the game because I genuinely enjoyed it, no longer because I needed it.

Go touch grass and do good!
Like Lethen said, don't delete this article but I also want to piggy back off of what JD said. I was active on and off a lot these past few years because I was insanely busy with university. It was nice to focus on school, my friendships, and my girlfriend. I am now in a situation where me and my girlfriend live together, I got a job, and I run a DnD session every other week. It was so refreshing to get back into NS when I could approach it with the mindset of "hey, i got free time this evening, maybe i'll read this debate or help in a ministry". Trying to be crazy active in this game when you haven't made the proper time for your loved ones and friends while balancing some big goal like graduating from university was exhausting.

If you can take some time off and it can help you realize that NS is just a game and doesn't have to be the main priority of your life, all the better to you. Go take some time for yourself, my friend. You deserve it.
 
I appreciate everything you've done for our community, Sanju, and I'm very happy you're here.

One of the many things I appreciate about you is a small thing but it actually means more than most people realize. It is that you take the time to read and like my posts, especially my speeches. I know liking someone's post is a minor thing but it makes me feel good inside that people are taking the time to read what I have written. It actually means quite a lot to me.

Thanks again.

I'm glad you're taking some time to reconnect with and center yourself.
 
Enjoy your free time, sanju, and we will always be here when you get back!

It can be interesting how time on NS can mimic real-life paths, where you have these moments when your job or to-do list is gone and you’re faced with an empty road ahead. I’m glad you are relishing in this time and I hope it brings nothing but good for you.
 
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