Grizzli 4 Village Idiot

Grizzli

New member
January 21st, in a village not far from Arnhelm (or well, that depends on what you consider far or not. A couple of thousands of kilometres, nothing compared to the size of the Milky Way, eh?)

A translator pushes a rotten door. Behind it, one room, dully lit with candles, despite the presence of very modern light bulbs. "Four dah Enviroment" explains a voice coming from nowhere. Though creeped out, the translator gets accomodated to the weak light and starts seeing around him. The walls are all painted in pink, and covered in paintings of pigs. "Me lyk pygs alot" continues the voice. "If I may ask, how do you see the pigs, on a pink wall?" asks the translator. No response. The translator remembers he is a translator and thus starts speaking rubbish as well, translating the unintelligible english sentence said before into "Howdou u si dah penntinks ov piks iff dah wol iz ping?" . After a long thought, the voice, that seems to come from a man resembling Rasputin, answers "Neveu tot ov dat. U ar yntelijent. Anlyke mi" The Rasputin-guy shows the Translator a chair with five legs. The translator, starting to regret having left his cozy apartment in the centre of Arnhelm, diligently sits on the chair.
"Ay wont u tu tranzlet mai platvorm intu langwage evriwane anderstand." Rasputin's alter-ego hands the translator a couple of copper coins. In front of the transator's infuriated face, the Rasputin answers "Diz ar pennis. Not wors aniting todey, bat in dah futur wen dey will hav dem abboliched dey will be wors gold". Rasputin starts talking, and the translator starts taking notes.

For the conveniency of the reader, the following text will be translated into English. However, some words are deemed untranslatable and will thus remain in their original form. This is particularly true for grammar, that is very different in rubbish and therefore not translatable. The text will thus be English but with rubbish grammar

Hello to all them that listen to me. I am Grizzli, though like Rasputin many people say I look a lot. I for Village Something I am running, because I believe the Village a clear institution to rule it needs. The other day pointed to me out a neighbour that pigs were having relations with goats, which embarrassing is very for there are piggoats that created because of that are. The piggoats not embarrassing in themselves are, I very tolerant to other species am, mind you. But the piggoats soup to old woman stole, which is more embarrassing because poor is old woman. As such, to avoid piggoats, me shall decide goats be painted in black and white and called cows. Pigs afraid cows of very. Also me will a Court create to pigs judge and sentence.

Speaking of soup, I planning am to say what for are the big and small dippers. Truth is that... I tell you can't until elected I am.
Also me about the extinction of wild five-feeted footstools very concerned am. Will I therefore protect them and everyone to own a five feeted wild footstool force.

The translator, feeling strange, runs out of the house and drives back to civilised places and calls an asyleum. They send an ambulance. But worry not, the village is so isolated and the roads so rare that the ambulance will never get there.
 
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