Faux News: Pope Lexus Revealed

Vice Presidents are used to being ignored. They don't go out a lot and they don't have a lot of responsibility. All people expect from them is to not die in office and to stay out of controversy. Pope Lexus is no different. To train himself for the job, he's been attending every political event with a paper bag over his head, not talking to anybody. In fact, if anybody talked to him, he would sweat profusely, nervously glance over at the President, then mumble something about not wanting to cause trouble. However, all that work could be swept away now that Faux News has discovered one startling fact: the Pope is Buddhist.

In light of this startling fact, the Church of Europeia has defrocked our Vice President, meaning he will now be referred to be his maiden name, Lexus Luthor. This puts his political future in question, and his current position in jeopardy. Kraketopia has released a statement, saying he will evaluate the situation, threaten to fire Lexus in the morning, then wait a few weeks for him to resign. Protesters, led by World Assembly Delegate Mousebumples, have gathered outside the Goldenblock, demanding change. When asked for a comment, the Delegate yelled, "Go back to Africa, you socialist!" The crowd behind her roared their approval. However, not all the reactions have been negative. Faux News has intercepted a letter intended for the Vice President from Anumia, which reads, in part, "Dear Pope SEXus, How about I walk into your bedroom and you make me one with everything? ;) "

The former Pope could not be reached for comment, but a quick search on the Euronet finds a blog by the Vice President, saying he has been eating ice cream from the bucket and watching repeats of his previous Fireside Chats, sobbing over the end of the glory days. It appears Lexus is settling down for a pathetic life, accepting of the fact that he will never be respected in this region ever again.
 
I'm not sure if I should sue you for the slanderous lies about my character, or for imposing on my satire monopoly :angry:
 
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