After the recent Senate election, including wins for two new Ministers, Faux News went to research a little more about the lives of Calvin Coolidge and writinglegend, to learn what made them so successful, despite their inexperience. Instead, we learned a far darker secret: both are actually the same person, disguised as two different people.
This startling revelation was discovered by Senator PhDre, who employed both newcomers as Aides last term. When asked how he discovered this, he had this to say, "Well, I was filling out their paychecks, as I do every month for their Aide services, when I noticed that they had the same Social Security number. Naturally, I thought this was suspicious. So, instead of investigating further, I promptly turned in my two best workers to the Attorney General, where they are now serving a life sentence. Sure, they weren't hurting anybody, but a law's a law, am I right? Hey, are you writing this down? I didn't give you my consent! I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you."
After narrowly escaping a criminal charge, this reporter decided it would be a good idea to interview others close to the pair to find out more. Editor-in-Chief of "The Globe", and newly elected Senator, Rach, said, "I mean, I did think it was odd that they accomplished pretty much the same things at the same time, in similar fields. Honestly, I just thought they were a gay couple or something. After writing a provocative article in my paper about their relationship, I decided to interview them. I actually offered to interview them jointly, you know, because of their status, but they insisted I do it individually. What I really thought was strange was when they turned down my offer for a threesome..."
Once my two-hour shower was over, I decided to interview one final person who might be able to shed some light on this scenario: the President who hired them in the first place. I caught up with President Kraketopia at his seaside kitchen, "Oh my, they are the same person? Well, I do declare that is most unwelcome news. I'll have to launch an investigation about this, and then I'll have to fire them. It could take up to a month, but then by that time my term would be over... I guess I just won't do anything about it. I mean, these things usually sort themselves out, right? Oh, my pot roast is done. I have to get that out of the oven. Now, if you don't mind, I really have to go pick up the kids from soccer practice. Haley would do it herself, but she's been so busy running the region lately, she hardly has the time. Toodles!"
Now that I've collected all this information, I think it is finally time to reveal this to the region. So, the next time you think you are talking to Calvin about your dislike of "Doctor Who", be careful, because you are actually talking to writinglegend, too. And if writinglegend suddenly starts complimenting Calvin on how handsome he is, and how good he is at his job, don't be fooled, he's just praising himself. With this news out of the way, I'm going to pick up a copy of "The Globe", and maybe drop by their headquarters again. I think I'm in need of another... shower.
This startling revelation was discovered by Senator PhDre, who employed both newcomers as Aides last term. When asked how he discovered this, he had this to say, "Well, I was filling out their paychecks, as I do every month for their Aide services, when I noticed that they had the same Social Security number. Naturally, I thought this was suspicious. So, instead of investigating further, I promptly turned in my two best workers to the Attorney General, where they are now serving a life sentence. Sure, they weren't hurting anybody, but a law's a law, am I right? Hey, are you writing this down? I didn't give you my consent! I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you."
After narrowly escaping a criminal charge, this reporter decided it would be a good idea to interview others close to the pair to find out more. Editor-in-Chief of "The Globe", and newly elected Senator, Rach, said, "I mean, I did think it was odd that they accomplished pretty much the same things at the same time, in similar fields. Honestly, I just thought they were a gay couple or something. After writing a provocative article in my paper about their relationship, I decided to interview them. I actually offered to interview them jointly, you know, because of their status, but they insisted I do it individually. What I really thought was strange was when they turned down my offer for a threesome..."
Once my two-hour shower was over, I decided to interview one final person who might be able to shed some light on this scenario: the President who hired them in the first place. I caught up with President Kraketopia at his seaside kitchen, "Oh my, they are the same person? Well, I do declare that is most unwelcome news. I'll have to launch an investigation about this, and then I'll have to fire them. It could take up to a month, but then by that time my term would be over... I guess I just won't do anything about it. I mean, these things usually sort themselves out, right? Oh, my pot roast is done. I have to get that out of the oven. Now, if you don't mind, I really have to go pick up the kids from soccer practice. Haley would do it herself, but she's been so busy running the region lately, she hardly has the time. Toodles!"
Now that I've collected all this information, I think it is finally time to reveal this to the region. So, the next time you think you are talking to Calvin about your dislike of "Doctor Who", be careful, because you are actually talking to writinglegend, too. And if writinglegend suddenly starts complimenting Calvin on how handsome he is, and how good he is at his job, don't be fooled, he's just praising himself. With this news out of the way, I'm going to pick up a copy of "The Globe", and maybe drop by their headquarters again. I think I'm in need of another... shower.
