[At Home In Europeia] A Papal Palooza






A Papal Palooza
Europeia's Religious Row

Written by Maowi



On April 21, Minister of Culture Olde Delaware opened standing for the first papal election in almost two years and in doing so unleashed a wave of unprecedentedly ferocious debate in the usually tranquil Sopo Religions Row.

The announcement was followed by a rapid response from religious leaders, with candidates ranging from the very experienced and established to brand new faces. In total, five hopefuls put down their names, each representing a separate religion: Calvin Coolidge (Calvin) for Swiftism, Rotasu for The Temple of the Goddess, LeaderWinna (Winna) for The Euro Faith, Mr. Verteger for Vertegeralism, and finally the incumbent - Sopo, representing The Church of Nethel. As each competitor put forward their own vision for the future of the Religions Row, it was current Pope Sopo who came under heaviest fire, with several damning indictments not only from his opponents but also from the general public. Attorney General Bowzin shockingly revealed that his "application to this Church [The Church of Nethel] took 2 years to be processed due to poor management skills," exposing Sopo's neglect of his duties not only as a pope but even simply as a leader of a religion. Fellow candidate Calvin did not refrain from using passionate rhetoric either; he put forward the bold claim that "the Temple of Nethel is no more, and you [Sopo] are preaching a dead meme," continuing by urging Europeia to recognise that "this charade has gone on long enough." His allegations of Sopo's "corrupt papacy" may well prove a deadly blow to the incumbent on April 27, the day of the election. Interestingly, Sopo succeeded in remaining calm and collected, asserting that he has done "nothing" since his election in 2018. It remains to be seen whether this cunning strategy will translate into votes during next week's election.

In an effort to unseat Sopo from the papacy, Rotasu, loath to split the anti-Sopo votes among all the other candidates, suggested the holding of a papal primary election and the subsequent banding together of anti-Sopo candidates behind one spearhead. Both Winna and Calvin voiced enthusiastic agreement; however, Mr. Verteger declined to take part, labelling the primary "heresy." Rotasu proceeded to post an announcement in order to incentivise greater turnout in the primary: he pledged that should the vote count surpass 20, he would "propose to someone of Lloenflys' choice in the NS [NationStates] Family Registry Office," proving beyond any doubt his dedication to his cause.

The papal primaries were opened soon after by none other than Kuramia. The Europeian Broadcasting Corporation is unable at this time to confirm in what level of inebriation the esteemed councillor of external communications found herself upon creating the poll, but the ballot she posted included Pope Sopo, to the great confusion of many. Whether the move was intentional or not, it may have worked out in favour of the anti-establishment candidates after all, reducing the chance of Sopo supporters tainting the results.

Several hours in, Rotasu was noticeably struggling to gather votes. In an honourable act of contribution to the greater good, he officially dropped out of the race and proclaimed his endorsement of Winna. Controversially, he directed that all of his votes were to be transferred to Winna. Calvin voiced his disappointment at the move, while Swift supporter Monkey - who had previously published a detailed article promoting Calvin's campaign - expressed scepticism, saying "I don't think this is legal."

The poll closed with five votes for Rotasu, 10 for Winna, 11 for Calvin, and 12 for Sopo. Given the closeness of these results it was of course imperative to determine what was to happen with Rotasu's votes. It was only after extensive back-and-forth on the subject between several of the parties involved that a final agreement was reached and Calvin's victory proclaimed. The winner thanked nobody in particular and claimed eagerness about "facing Sopo and bringing honor to Religions Row and all religions." Sopo's reaction was to respond in kind, stating that "I look forward to defeating you, thereby protecting Europeia from a reign of mediocre pop music."

The final round of the election is due to take place on April 27 and will see Sopo, Calvin, and Mr. Verteger pitted against each other. Should all the primary voters place their support in Calvin, his victory should be guaranteed; however, it is entirely possible that Winna and Rotasu supporters, wishing to avoid another old-guard papacy, choose to trust the slightly radical, less mainstream candidate on the ballot - Mr. Verteger. All that can be said for certain is that the winner of the election, and so the very future of the Religions Row, could yet be anyone and anything.

 
Nothing about the poll results actually all being in support of Sopo???
 
Great article, Maowi. Perfectly capturing the light-hearted tone of this affair, while also covering all the details. A true professional. For those who want more Pope fighting, be prepared for a mixlr debate between Sopo and myself on Monday!
 
Nothing about the poll results actually all being in support of Sopo???
(Hez can chastise me if I am wrong but) the EBC in NO WAY endorses the aforementioned act of unmasqueraded election-rigging and refuses to grace it with so much as a disdainful mention.
 
Nothing about the poll results actually all being in support of Sopo???
(Hez can chastise me if I am wrong but) the EBC in NO WAY endorses the aforementioned act of unmasqueraded election-rigging and refuses to grace it with so much as a disdainful mention.
And yet you legitimize other farces!
 
Those other farces

did not favour an eminently unqualified candidate such as Sopo
 
Those other farces

did not favour an eminently unqualified candidate such as Sopo
Oh I was talking about the times they covered farces like the term of the First Minister elected this past January 👀
 

No comment.
 
Lol Kura xD

Those other farces

did not favour an eminently unqualified candidate such as Sopo
Oh I was talking about the times they covered farces like the term of the First Minister elected this past January 👀
Oh yeah, no I can't understand how the EBC let itself sink so low as that
 
Lol Kura xD

Those other farces

did not favour an eminently unqualified candidate such as Sopo
Oh I was talking about the times they covered farces like the term of the First Minister elected this past January 👀
Oh yeah, no I can't understand how the EBC let itself sink so low as that
To imagine that someone would want that person to be on a ticket again!
 
Lol Kura xD

Those other farces

did not favour an eminently unqualified candidate such as Sopo
Oh I was talking about the times they covered farces like the term of the First Minister elected this past January 👀
Oh yeah, no I can't understand how the EBC let itself sink so low as that
To imagine that someone would want that person to be on a ticket again!
Yeah I'm not sure who'd vote for someone foolish enough to do that
 
Lol Kura xD

Those other farces

did not favour an eminently unqualified candidate such as Sopo
Oh I was talking about the times they covered farces like the term of the First Minister elected this past January 👀
Oh yeah, no I can't understand how the EBC let itself sink so low as that
To imagine that someone would want that person to be on a ticket again!
Yeah I'm not sure who'd vote for someone foolish enough to do that
Clearly anyone with poor judgement
 
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