A Modest Ornithological Proposal - Volume 5
Opinion of
Lloenflys
(6/11/2021 – Arnhelm Ornithological Center) It has been over a year since I last files a report on birding expeditions around the world, searching for the birds that are most representative of the friendly faces that make up the region of Europeia. In that time, a whole swarm of newbies has descended upon the region who *gasp* don’t even know what it means to be birbed. Thinking about this today made me realize it was high time to right this wrong, and to file my fifth report on the Birbs of Europeia. With this list, I provide an official birbing to some of our newer big names … but also a few long time residents who had not yet found themselves birbed. As always, I hope the recipients enjoy what they’ve been signed … and as always, I offer these selection with a great deal of love, admiration, and respect for all involved. And so without further ado …
1.) The Magnificent Izzy – formerly the Chukar (in honor of Izzy)
The Chukar is a striking bird with a fashion-forward sense, and like Izzy it is well versed in the use of a good eye liner. While the Chukar often sits around quietly on hillsides, if chased it is a devilish quarry, flapping, running, and flying away from pray with the speed a mountain goat, shouting its namesake call all the while. I think Izzy is much the same way … when not riled up, Izzy is a quiet member of our community who likes to play the Sims and jokes around a bit … but if you go after Izzy for something, you’d best be prepared to deal with the consequences, as Izzy can more than handle his own in a disagreement! This all makes this beautiful, seemingly placid but powerfully capable bird an excellent stand in for Izzy!
2.) The Hampshirean Collectorbird – formerly the American Crow (in honor of UPC)
I rarely, if ever, allow other members of the Europeian community to determine the birds of a fellow Europeian. The process of selecting the right bird is a sacred one, and requires a tremendous amount of effort to make sure it is handled correctly. Usually, when people try to self-select a bird, or select a bird for a fellow Europeian, the reasons are not the right ones – they merely think it is funny or they think it’s a cool bird or something similar … but it usually just doesn’t quite work. Today, however, Darkslayer mentioned UPC being a Crow and as much as I wanted to find another bird … this one just works. Crows, like all Corvids, are intelligent and curious birds. They absolutely love collecting things, especially shiny things … and this fits the addictive collecting personality that has become ever more noticeable in UPC with his obsession for card farming. Even moreso, our newly minted Grand Admiral needs a bird with a martial feel to it … and crows are known for forming gangs in order to go to war. Intelligence … curiosity … a flair for military operations … yep, UPC is most definitely a Crow. H/T Darkslayer.
3.) Scottish Andy – formerly the European Crested Tit (in honor of Andusre)
This cute little borb of Scottish happiness is well representative of our resident Scotsman Andy. This bird can be described as talkative once you get to know it, and not shy but a bit elusive until you get on its good side. It’s also fiercely loyal to the places from whence it comes, and while Andy certainly appears to join his time in Europeia (and we’re thrilled he’s here!), he remains loyal to Thaecia. Friendly, talkative, and loyal is a great set of traits, and Andy … and his bird … both fit the description.
4.) The Marauding Forager – formerly the Secretarybird (in honor of Rotasu)
Until recently I would not have thought of Rotasu as a Secretarybird. Then, we played D&D together and I realized that deep inside, Rotasu is a stone cold butcher willing to sacrifice anyone and anything to bring about a little bit of chaos. Watch a Secretarybird stomp the life out of a snake and you’ll see much the same energy … and indeed it was such a video that stuck in my head when I thought about a suitable bird to assign to Rota. Both in D&D and in the wild, Rotasu has that chaotic energy inside that could dance/bash any opponents currently in line of sight into oblivion at any moment … and if you play D&D with Rota, be sure to always be looking for Burning Hands to be used from behind you, just in case! Lest people fail to recognize Rota's non-violent skills, however, it should be noted that the Secretarybird has long been revered by indigenous peoples living in the area as a great protector and is a symbol of growth. Having worked and talked regularly with Rota in Europeia, I think that's a fitting symbol, as I have been witness to someone who has a fierce intelligence and is an avid devourer and acquirer of knowledge.
5.) The gBoreal cChickadee - formerly the Boreal Chickadee (in honor of GrandfatherClock)
At first blush, you might take a look at GC and think “oh, GC, he just does homework all the time, he can’t be that exciting.” You would recognize that he was friendly and fun and a sweet young gentleman, but otherwise mostly absorbed with his homework and occasional bouts of sleeping. But if that was GC, I would assign him the Black-Capped Chickadee – a very cute, active, lovely bird … but also quite common and unexceptional. That, however, is not our GC who is exceptionally special and far from common or ubiquitous. Instead, GC – with his love for and knowledge of languages, his appreciation for designing unique artistic pieces, his obsession with clocks … he is the much harder to find and more precious Boreal Chickadee – also primarily found in Canada! – to a T. We should treasure him!
6.) The Highest Housebird – formerly the Cedar Waxwing (in honor of Deepest House)
So far as I know, there are no birds that regularly get high. However, there is at least one bird – the Cedar Waxwing – that is well known for eating fermented berries every spring to such excesses that they regularly become quite drunk. DH is well known as the member of Europeia most likely to be partaking of some relaxing substance on an evening, and that in and of itself makes the Cedar Waxwing a suitable avatar for this member of our Chancellery. There are further reasons this choice works for DH, however – for one thing, his prominent crest makes him look regularly ready to engage in a jousting match, and when DH pops up on the forum it is usually to engage in a battle of words with someone who has taken a position opposite his own, something he does quite effectively. Meanwhile, rather symbolically, the red waxy tips on the wings of the Cedar Waxwing are an excellent reminder of the red pen DH regularly wields as one of the most prolific editors that Europeia has ever known.
7.) The Communist Crane – formerly the Sandhill Crane (in honor of Prim)
In June 2020, Birds & Blooms magazine put out an article called “Meet the Best Bird Dads and Learn How they Help Out Around the Nest.” The description of the best overall parent was “Not only do male sandhill cranes help with nest-building, incubation, and feeding their young, but families stick together through fall migration, winter and the beginning of spring migration. Young cranes learn and benefit from both parents.” Now, granted, Prim does not – so far as I know – live in a nest. But he unquestionably helps with all aspects of child care. And he in the middle of a great migration with his cranelings as we speak. When I think about Prim, one of the very first things to come to my mind is his dedication and pride as a papa … and that is reflected in my choice of bird for him here. There are many fine fathers in Europeia and I don’t mean this as a sleight to any of them, but Prim is the most Craneish to me. Keep up the good work, you friendly Bear … I mean, Crane!
8.) The Dark Plover – formerly the Kentish Plover
OR
The Slaying Grouse – formerly the Greater Sage Grouse (in honor of Darkslayer)
I rarely utilize a double birbing when I put these lists together … but sometimes there is no choice, because a member of our community has two distinctly different personalities that come out at different times, or because there are different perceptions of that person. In Dark’s case … well … there’s the cute, fluffy lil sprig of a ginger who runs around Euro posting cute oversight threads and generally being precious. But then there’s the other Dark … the aggressive, combative, FORCEFUL Dark who tells GC its quiet time, makes D&D characters who kill first and ask questions later, and generally puffs out his chest and displays all his tailfeathers. Or … erm … ok, I guess that’s what the Greater Sage Grouse does, but you understand why I might easily confuse the two. So do you agree with me? Dark is both as cute and fluffy as a little plover … and as bombastic as a booming grouse?
And so there we have it – an extra large fifth edition of the Modern Ornithological Proposal. I hope you enjoyed it, and until next time … Cooo Cooooo and HOOT HOOT!
