A Modest Ornithological Proposal - Volume 4
Opinion of
Lloenflys
(5/5/2020 – Arnhelm Ornithological Center) My romp around the world on behalf of the Europeian Ornithological Society has yielded another haul of beautiful birbs befitting the amazing leaders and personalities that make our region the amazing place it is. Having spent many hours deep in thought and in serious contemplation of the most suitable pairings for these astounding findings, I hereby present for your edification Part 4 of this ongoing series.
1.) The Laughing Isty – formerly the Laughing Kookaburra (in honor of Istillian)
Few sounds are as distinctive as the laughing cry of the Laughing Isty, a paragon of Australia’s distinctive character. These striking birds, with their unmistakable visage, get along well with virtually everyone and are tame enough to eat directly from people’s hands – similar to our first minister, who unlike many Australians has been trained to interact well with other people! Our first minister shares another trait with his namesake bird – after originating on the eastern side of the Land Down Under, they have been transplanted in more recent times to the country’s Western reaches. As a special treat, if you'd like to see Istillian giving a concert, some rare footage has been found here - you won't be disappointed!
2.) The Shimmering Mal – formerly the European Starling (in honor of Malashaan)
In the 1890s, about 60 European Starlings were released in New York’s Central Park – allegedly part of a plan to introduce every bird mentioned in Shakespeare to the New World. In the intervening 130 years, the Starling has proven itself so adept at adjusting to life in the Western Hemisphere that it has spread to all 50 US States, Canada and Mexico. Our own recently elected chief of state has demonstrated a similar adeptness at living in America after being transplanted from the Old World. Also like the starling, Malashaan has shown himself to be devilishly clever – the Starling is an exceptionally good mimic, and may even understand a good deal of vocabulary, similar to what crows can learn. With its shiny, decorative plumage, few birds could better represent our Chief of State with more distinction!
3.) The Great Sopo – formerly the Great Blue Heron (in honor of Sopo)
Such a towering figure in our region as Sopo needs a towering bird … and the rather regal-looking Great Blue Heron is a good fit. At first, this Heron might seem somewhat limited. It’s *just* a shorebird, after all, right? But no! This is a shorebird that is actually well-suited to thrive in virtually any wetland environment, rather than being a specialist. Is there a better representative for our Sopo, who is a power player who can be plugged into virtually any position as needed in the region? Also like the Heron, Sopo can both blend in and stick out in his environment at will, depending on whether he really wants to be seen at any given moment. And of course, while he might not look great lifting off for departure from any given role, he is nonetheless a majestic flyer once he gets going!
4.) The Planning Ervy – formerly the House Sparrow (in honor of Ervald)
Ervald is a creature of the city, and he feels a sense of kinship with city birds like House Sparrows. By itself, this wouldn’t be enough for me to assign Ervald a House Sparrow – remember what happened to Drecq! – but the fact is the House Sparrow is a perfect bird to represent our budding urban planner. You see, like an urban planner, the House Sparrow lives and works in cities … and repurposes existing structures to its own use. House Sparrows are nothing if not innovative, and they will find structures that suit their nest building plans in all sorts of creaks, cracks, niches, and alcoves. They will build and decorate and generally work like crazy to make themselves at home. I can’t think of any bird that does more to both adopt and modify an urban environment and put it to the best possible use. This makes it the perfect bird to represent our delightfully urban-minded Jeff Goldblum devotee!
5.) The Law - formerly the Golden Eagle (in honor of Vlaska)
If you have spent much time at all talking to Vlaska in Discord, you will know that it is pretty common for him to make clear that he is “The Law,” and since he is a former justice of the Europeian High Court, I’m just going to give it to him rather than arguing! We also know that Vlaska is very tall … and so a small bird wouldn’t do at all. No, a tall, regal, legal bird was the only way to go for our friend from the Balkans, and I can’t think of many better suited for the role than the majestic Golden Eagle. This dispenser of birdly justice can be found hunting across wide swaths of the world’s Northern Hemisphere. A devastatingly effective hunter, it is quite clear he is the Judge, Jury, and Executioner of the smaller birds, mammals, and reptiles and that inhabit his territory. Look at those eyes and that beak – you aren’t going to break the law if you have this guy looking down on you!
6.) The Drumming Peep – formerly the Red-Headed Woodpecker (in honor of Peeps)
Peeps has been an up-and-comer in the region over the last several months, having served as mayor of Arnhelm, as an influential senator, a busy and distinguished presence in the executive ministry ranks, and now soon likely as a member of the incoming Council of State for chief of state Malashaan. This is one of the reasons that a woodpecker was a good pick for Peeps – woodpeckers are loud and get noticed, and there is no question that Peeps has made himself noticed, generally in very positive ways, very early in his Europeian career. But there’s more to it than that – in fact, more important than just being flashy, noisy, and visible is the fact that woodpeckers are highly diligent and focused on attention to detail. They leave no branch unchecked for food, and they go after it if they think it is there. I receive far more commentary from Peeps on legislation that could be tweaked for grammar and other basic fixes (which sadly I usually seem to have trouble getting to) than anyone else. He goes through problems with a fine-toothed comb looking for opportunities to make improvements, and he sticks with projects. It is this characteristic, more than any other, which made this seem like a perfect fit.
And so there we are, another release of newly named Europeian birds. I hope you enjoyed this release as much as past editions. I will try to leave less time before the fifth installment. If you’re yet to be assigned a bird, I assure you it isn’t because I’ve forgotten you – I simply need the right birds to call out to me before I officially assign them out, and that process sometimes takes awhile! Hopefully when it eventually happens, it will have been worth the wait!
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