A Modest Ornithological Proposal - Volume 3
Opinion of
Lloenflys
(
1/26/2020 - Arnhelm Ornithological Center) At long last, due to thunderous demand, I am ready to present to you the third offering of Euro Birds. Once again, these re-brandings take us away from the silly terms that ornithologists often use for birds and instead name them for Europeians who these birds remind me of. I have spent hundreds, nay thousands of hours (I assume – I haven’t actually tracked them) deep in thought in my chambers pondering the right pairings, and I hereby unveil them for your edification … along with an interactive twist necessitated by a certain Europeian’s insistence that he knew what was best. I have faith the majority of you will agree with me – a trained, renowned Euro-Ornithologist – over an amateur, but we will see! And now for your enjoyment, here is Part 3 of this ongoing series.
- The Jay Jay – formerly the Stellar’s Jay (in honor of JayDee)
In the last edition of this series, I introduced you all to the Randian Jay, a striking, active, intelligent bird with a bit of an argumentative streak. But our Senate has more than one such character – and Senator JayDee shares many of the same characteristics as Rand. That similarity shows up in their regional birds. The black and blue pattern creates a more militaristic look, along with the more prominently displayed crest, of the Stellar’s Jay. It’s a fabulous bird to represent our West Point-based Senator.
- The Hezzie – formerly the Indian Roller (in honor of Hezekon)
This very social, beautifully plumaged bird steals the show whenever it is around. Just as Hezekon dives into discussions with gusto, the Indian Roller conducts feats of acrobatics that are the envy of most other avians. Hez is not always heavily active, but when he’s around in the forums, people
know about it. His role plays are gloriously kaleidoscopic in nature, much like his conversation – which is often an exercise in controlled chaos. I can’t think of a better bird to represent his exuberant, remarkable personality.
- The Panda Bird – formerly Pied Falconet (in honor of Calvin Coolidge)
It is only fitting that as First Minister Calvin’s term draws to a close, he gets officially birbed. As he is known throughout Europeia as Panda, it was quite clear that his bird needed to pack some Big Panda Energy, and this falconet – native to China – is often called the Panda Bird by locals for fairly obvious regions. While this is a small bird of prey, it is every bit as fearsome to its prey as its larger cousins. While Calvin can certainly be kind, you can see the bird of prey in him emerge when he’s grading memes (such harshness!) or when he’s striking out on his own to do what he sees as the right thing for the region, even if it means going about it in an unorthodox way. Given that, a bird of prey that looks like a Panda was a perfect fit for our esteemed Not-so-silent Cal.
- The Bowzinbird – formerly the European Bee-eater (in honor of Bowzin)
Bowzin is nothing if not energetic in his disputes with fellow Europeians, many of whom he derides as “bees.” When Bowzin nearly vanquished one of these bees – Olde Delaware – in a Senate By-Election, I first started to consider the Bee-eater as a good fit as his Europeian birb. Of course that election ended up being historic in terms of OD’s comeback victory, and for awhile I had to reconsider. But really, having the can-do, confident attitude of a Bee-eater is more important than winning any particular contest, and I've come to realize that this birb still fits perfectly. Bowzin may not win every fight he picks with the bees, but he still confidently charges into battles with them (and others) with the confidence befitting a Grand Admiral. In honor of his wins – and his losses – Bowzin gets the Bee-eater treatment.
- The Magnificent Drecq - formerly the Great Tit … or the Turkey Vulture …
Here we are. The moment of truth. The opportunity for you, gentle reader, to register your view on which bird is a better fit to represent our longest-serving Senate speaker, our fearless and esteemed legal mind, Drecq. How do we come to have two possibilities for Drecq? Quite simply because he demanded it must be so. Drecq, you see, believes that he is best represented by the Great Tit, up there on the left. Now, this is not the worst possible bird for Drecq – the Great Tit is an intelligent bird, and it has been known to be a fierce fighter in its “weight class,” commonly challenging Pied Flycatchers for nesting space – and upon winning a battle to the death, eating the Flycatcher's brain. I can totally see Drecq doing that, figuratively if not literally.
And yet, I think Drecq deserves a larger, more majestic bird – and I think the Turkey Vulture fits the bill. First off, we all know that Drecq prefers the bald look, and the Turkey Vulture is … well … quite bald. But I think more importantly is the vulture's willingness to go through and clean up after the rest of the animals out there in the world – a job most other birds don’t want but that is vital to the ecosystem. Without vultures out there to eat carrion, disease would be significantly more widespread. Drecq serves a similar role in the Europeian ecosystem, often filling roles that can be thankless, such as maintaining the legal index. Without his activities, Europeia would be a much less healthy place. Finally, let’s face it – Drecq is intimidating, even to many longer-term measures. If you rolled up on a Great Tit in a dark alley, you would go “Awwww” and whistle at it. That is not the reaction you’d probably have to a Vulture. In other words, Drecq has more of a vulture energy about him, simply from an intimidation factor.
So, which of the two of us is right? Should Drecq be immortalized as a Great Tit, or as a Turkey Vulture? Please, give your thoughts in the comments below and let the world know your feelings.
That brings this column to end, but as always if you have not yet been immortalized with a Birb, don’t worry – you likely will be soon! Just for hints, I believe I am close to having birbs for cuddles, Izzy, and Ervald already, so the next article may be just around the corner!
