- Pronouns
- He/Him
Hello Europeians, and Darkslayer! Today I am going to take you on a mesmerising journey through two beautifully written platforms as we approach yet another election. This is not quite a liveblog, but the people were so desperate for me to do this. Right, please enjoy the next 30 minutes of me taking the absolute piss out of these platforms. There is a chance I will add to this later, but you may have this for now. Feel free to skip to the end for Pros and Con’s of each platform.
Peeps’ Opening Statement:
Peeps thinks all Europeians are stupid, and therefore must clarify which office he is running for. Peeps also like to flex all of the offices he has previously held. As you might have guessed, this is a recurring issue.
Lime’s Opening Statement:
Lime thinks that because he goes to University, he can make himself look smart by typing a big paragraph for his introduction. Nobody cares about the frequency of activity of Europeian school children.
Apuchit’s Opening Statement:
Pashto hates Peeps and is only running so he can usurp him two weeks into his presidency. He makes this very clear before sucking up to him, so he doesn’t get too suspicious.
Calvin’s Opening Statement:
Enter the recurring theme. Calvin flexes his past positions and thinks this is a good enough reason to get him elected.
Peeps’/Pichto’s Weird Paragraphs:
What I am getting here are the key policies of the platform. Frankly, I couldn’t care less, but I recommend you read them.
Foreign Affairs (P/P):
I know what foreign affairs is, you don’t need to tell me how it works, just how you’re going to improve it. More flexing can be seen here. Not going to lie, I don’t know what I just read, so we’ll move on.
Foreign Affairs (L/C):
This paragraph is far too big, so that I will skip to the tl;dr. They want to improve relations abroad, which is going to be hard while Darkslayer is in the region.
Navy (P/P):
Peeps and Pichto are flexing by using the word “thus” in a sentence. Looks like some new programs and further training—standard stuff.
Navy (L/C):
I am a fan of these tl;dr’s. Means I don’t have to waste time reading pointless information. I never pay any attention to the Navy anyway, so do what you want. I don’t care.
WAA (P/P):
“I NEED A HERO” The official song of the Hero Program. It’s nice that they’re offering support from the old people to the new people. HEM will not be pleased that you’re calling him old.
WAA (L/C):
I have noticed Pokemon! You know this is much harder than I thought it would be. These blokes want to promote our WA writers and to have greater cooperation with the watch. Spicy.
Interior (P/P):
Can Peeps and Pichto be the team who fix interior for good? No. That task is impossible, but let’s see what plans are being thrown at the wall this time. Trying to tell me that recruitment is challenging, are we? I could run the thing with my eyes closed, drunk, by myself.
Thus makes another appearance—very middle class. Appointing more deputies will fix everything! This is the method taken by these candidates.
Interior (L/C):
Can we try and not write literal essays for each ministry? My brain cannot comprehend what you are saying when it is 1 am. By looking at the goals for the term, the candidates seem to have forgotten that interior exists. Once again, the interior is being bullied.
Culture (P/P):
“Gives us a good time.” Well, I don’t know what you’ve been doing with culture, but I am disturbed. A lot is being planned here, and I like the look of most of it. The question is, does Peeps’ have the backbone to uphold such promises.
Culture (L/C):
I want to die—too much text. Anyway, Lime thinks smaller is better, and that’s why his girlfriend left him. I hope the advent calendar has chocolate in it.
Communications (P/P):
This is my favourite ministry, so don’t you dare mess it up. I feel this isn’t as clear as it should be, but I don’t care, so I shall let it slide.
Communications (L/C):
The writer’s workshop sounds fun. VARIETY damnit. Collaboration. Once again, a waste of keyboard usage typing so much text.
Radio (P/P):
We need more talent! Darkslayer is too dull for Radio. I like the idea of making it a career-launching ministry and cooking with Nate coming soon!
Radio (L/C):
Lime is dissing our advertising methods. We should have him flogged. There is a clear desire to increase productivity here, which will probably not be hard.
Justice (P/P):
There’s nothing to see here. Goodbye.
Justice (L/C):
Aha! This paragraph is much smaller, clearly proving that they think that Justice is the worst. My flatmate has ruined my train of thought by slamming his door.
Conclusion (P/P):
You’re welcome
Conclusion (L/C):
I appreciate your ideas. See you, love.
Peeps and Pichto - Pros:
- Short and succinct platform points
- German
- Everything else
- Panda
- Tl;dr usage
- The Justice Department
- Everything else
