A Modest Ornithological Proposal
Opinion of
Lloenflys
(7/26/2019 - Arnhelm Ornithological Center) - Occasionally, the conservative halls of science are shaken by a much-needed revolution. Copernicus dared usher in the era of heliocentrism, upending the notion that the Earth was the center of the universe. Einstein ushered in the era of relativity, upending the idea that we could understand physics just through intuition and “common sense” and opening the door to the modern concepts such as black holes. Today, I seek to usher in a revolution of my own – a decidedly more modest one, but a revolution nonetheless.
My fellow Europeians, what I propose to you today is that we cast aside the dull and ancient names given to some of the noble birds that populate our region and instead celebrate some of our hallowed citizens in tribute instead. Science rarely accepts such renaming, but I think you’ll all agree after seeing the examples below that this tribute is the best thing for all of us here in Europeia. For your edification, I present to you below my first five suggestions for re-naming:
1.) The Jortbird – formerly the Rock Pigeon (in honor of HEM)
The Rock Pigeon is nothing if not ubiquitous. Whether in a city, where it can be seen eating the remains of stale donuts off the streets, or in the countryside where it is gathered around silos and other piles of grain gorging itself to stupefaction, the Rock Pigeon is the most jort-like of birds. Not necessarily ugly, but unnecessarily vulgar. Far more common than one would hope. Utilitarian in the extreme. No bird could more effectively represent our dear founder quite so elegantly.
2.) The Lethenbird – formerly the Willow Flycatcher (in honor of Lethen)
The birding world is filled with birds known as “LBJ’s,” or “little brown jobs.” They all look roughly the same, they’re all small and meld into the background, and they all have primarily brown or gray plumage. Rarely do they insert themselves into your day-to-day life, but in the background they are flitting around doing important things (like eating tons and tons and tons of mosquitoes!). Is there a better bird to represent Lethen, who handles so much in the background of Europeia while generally keeping quiet on Discord and popping into the forum to banter a bit or participate in our most significant debates? I think not.
3.) The Aex – formerly the Peacock (in honor of … well … Aex)
Let’s just admit that this was inevitable. There is no one in Euro who makes such a splash with a post or a comment than Aex. In one fell swoop, whether as a member of the Senate, a private citizen, or in any other role, Aex can stir up a hornets nest. Whether people agree or disagree with him, he has a capacity to ride that notoriety and familiarity to rare heights. There is simply no one in Europeia who makes more use of his “plumage.”
4.) The Pichtobird – formerly the Eurasian Blue Tit (in honor of First Minister Pichto)
Such a cute, beloved, incredibly European bird deserves a cute, beloved, incredibly European namesake. Pichto simply must be represented by a darling little bird like this – just look at him, it’s like he came bursting out of a Disney movie … just like Pichto himself!
5.) The KuraKura – formerly the Magpie (in honor of Chief of State Kuramia)
Known for their fierce intelligence and joking personalities, corvids like the magpie have long been favorites in fables and myths. There are few birds that could represent our intelligent, tricksy, and role-playing loving Chief of State more effectively than the beautiful Magpie. It even has a fondness for shiny things (or at least, so it was long said … recent research suggests this may have been overblown and possibly wrong entirely, but hey, who lets science stand in front of a good myth?).
