A Modest Ornithological Proposal - Part 2
Opinion of
Lloenflys
(9/21/2019 - Arnhelm Ornithological Center) - A few weeks ago, to near universal acclaim (at least … I’m pretty sure that’s what all that yelling and hissing was … pure, unbridled enthusiasm!), I brought to you the first five of my nominations for new bird names. Forget about honoring long-forgotten ornithologists who mostly did their science by murdering hundreds or thousands of birds so they could observe them closely. Forget about naming birds “____-breasted” and “_______-headed,” and welcome in the era of naming birds for those in Europeia whose qualities they most possess. Tonight, without further ado, I bring you Part 2 of this ongoing series.
1.) The Grittybird a.k.a the Delaware Owl – formerly the Frogmouth (in honor of OD)
The magnificent Frogmouth strikes me as the nearest birdy equivalent of iconic Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty. In this heart-warming image, a stern-faced Grittybird cares for a baby Gritty, and how precious it is indeed. These largely nocturnal birds eat virtually anything they can get in their mouth (and we all know of OD’s exploits with chicken nuggets and gigantic Rice Krispy bars). I can’t think of a better bird to bear the name of our beloved weekend games master.
2.) The Stellar Penguin – formerly the Adelie Penguin (in honor of Astrellan)
This image says it all about Deputy First Minister / Senator / Jack-of-all-trades Astrellan. First, look at his stylish, tuxedo-like plumage – it stands for Astrellan’s push to take on positions of responsibility within Europeia, something he’s done since arriving. Look also at the determination in his eyes as he jumps off that iceberg and into the water … it *almost* looks like he could actually fly, doesn’t it? The fact is, Astrellan is such a believer in “jump in and figure it out as you go” that I halfway believe that penguin *is* going to fly. But Astrellan is still young and has a lot of space to continue growing, so this smol, delightful penguin was a better fit than the much, much larger, more majestic (but also clumsier) King or Emperor Penguins.
3.) The Randian Jay – formerly the Blue Jay (in honor of Rand)
The Blue Jay is a majestic bird, one whose piercing call is incredibly distinct. Incredibly active and great fun to watch flit about the yard, there are a lot of fantastic things about Blue Jays. But … Blue Jays also, occasionally … when they just can’t help themselves or, maybe, when they’re feeling particularly feisty … might argue with their fellow birds. In fact, sometimes I suspect that the Blue Jay just stirs things up to create a little chaos and see how people will respond. That’s not unlike a certain former first minister and current senator who certainly doesn’t mind mixing it up from time to time …
4.) The Maowi Kingfisher – formerly the Common Kingfisher (in honor of Maowi)
There is absolutely nothing “common” about this phenomenally gorgeous and talented European Kingfisher. Its tremendous skills as a river hunter are a nice metaphor for Maowi’s never-ending hunt for stories for the Europeian Broadcasting Corporation. It is also a geographically appropriate choice, as this lovely Kingfisher hangs around the wilds of Great Britain, just like Maowi!
5.) The DinoBird – formerly the Cassowary (in honor of DictatorAnna10)
Most of us have seen Jurassic Park, so we know that birds came from dinosaurs. It seems that not all of them … fully made the change. This dinosaur-like bird from Australia is, simply put, the most dinosaur-like bird left in action. Never mind that stegosaurus-like plate sitting on the top of the Cassowary’s head … this thing also has a 5-inch long claw on each foot, meaning that it can kick at you, raptor-like, and do tremendous damage. These things can, and do, kill humans. A fitting bird for a Europeian with a dinosaur as her avatar, indeed.
And now … a bonus entry …
A Scotsman by the name of Alexander Wilson, who was born back in 1766, has a remarkable legacy in the birding world … even if most people don’t know anything about it. You see, Mr. Wilson gave his name to a whole series of birds (Wilson’s Snipe, Wilson’s Petrel, Wilson’s Plover, etc.). The point is that multiple birds can be named after one person. During the first edition of this series, First Minister Pichto was honored with the Pichtobird, a renaming of the delightfully charming European Blue Tit. But sometimes you see a bird and realize there is simply no one else that can represent it … even if that person already has a bird named in their honor. Such was the case with the formerly named Amazonian Royal Flycatcher, from now on to be known as the Crowned Pichto. I think you’ll all agree upon taking a look that there is simply no other Europeian whose flair and poise could pull off this look. It is Pichto to a T!
