The Cult of the Oxford Comma






The Cult of the Oxford Comma
A Halloween Special

Written by Istillian




1:59 a.m. January 3, 2015 - HEM responds to an admin request:
Mousebumples said:
Mousebumples said:
Comm forum moving/merging:

Please merge the contents of the "seekrit" EBC subforums (Staff and Submissions & International Paper) into MinComm's "Communication Operations" subforum. (Those two subforums can be trashed then or whatever - and I'd move the content myself, but I'm afraid I might accidentally mis-move something. I know that IF has a "delete forum and move threads" button, and I'm guessing ZB might have the same sort of button? Hopefully?)

Also, at some point - and this is not a rush - an EBC Archive would be good. Optimally, EBC's public subforums (Opinion Page & Europeian Public Radio) would be moved there but maintained as subforums. Not sure how quickly EBC general stuff will be archived, but there's 27 pages worth of stuff in that forum at this point, so ... plenty that could be archived at the behest of whomever is MinComm at the time.

Thanks!
Repeating this, so it doesn't get missed. My guess it it's more involved and waiting until an admin has more time to futz with things, but ... yes.

:)
I am happy to report that this admin task has been completed without blunder or error :ph43r:

I think that by now most citizens in Europeia would have heard of how HEM once deleted the Europeian Broadcasting Corporation (EBC). Although if you haven't, it's a well known occurrence in the region that has since become something of a joke. The evidence above shows that this was, in fact, a real event.
Most citizens I assume would brush this off as a great muck-up from the legends and lore of Europeian history, with only the fodder of taunts and shaming of HEM in comment threads left to be thrown around. Overall, it is now generally seen as an endearing part of our dear founder's repertoire.
But for me, I've never believed that this was just a mistake and I've gone as far as infiltrating the EBC to explore the full extent of their archives on the matter. I know that there is more to this story - for how could the great and glorious HEM ever commit an act so thoughtlessly and foolishly? And what happened in the hour for which the EBC was non-existent - who was really behind this attack on our executive ministry?

My suspicions of foul play were first raised when Maowi edited an article of mine and threatened,
you SHALL worship the Oxford comma!
followed by;
is this a heretic I see before me

I thought to myself, maybe there's more to this, who seriously uses the word heretic when editing an article?

But alas, after scouring the depths of the EBC even further than I had before, I found nothing, not even a trace of fanaticism amongst the EBC's other writers.
I continued to write my own articles and comments, but now I began to leave trails of errors for the most fervent of the EBC's members to pick up on.
The bait was taken, my comma misplacement and poor grammar worked and Maowi's wrath got the better or her when she admitted;
little do most people know, the EBC is actually the hiding place for the glorious Cult of the Oxford Comma. Worship the Oxford Comma or you shall be sacrificed!

Soon after that Maowi became minister of communications and I knew that regardless of what the Cult might be, their strength was growing. I had the information I needed, but there was so much more to this mystery and my investigation was truly underway.

So at first I reached out to the man behind the mistake, the mighty HEM. Surely the founder would know more about this cult or even be able to provide some explanation for the deletion of the EBC?


I was afraid now. What had I started? Should I even continue? So many questions were wracking my brain that eventually, against my own intuition and fear, my curiosity won.
Who could I talk to now without risking all? Who could be the double-agent in disguise I needed for more information? Someone whose grammatical correctness was so unquestionable that they must be a part of the Cult.


I finally had a name. Someone that knew HEM before the deletion of the EBC, someone that might have the answers to all of this.


What was this Nethelian Temple that held the hidden truths of Europeia, and a church of followers? And, more confoundingly, what did any of this have to do with the Cult of the Oxford Comma?
Thankfully, Lethen's last piece of information gave me the clue I needed.
I could see that this MEH had tried to impose their will on the Nethelian Temple by claiming to be their god - to no avail;
How about no

At this point in my investigation I began to lose hope. I daresay my research on the Cult was almost put aside, never to be talked of again.


But as my worries slowly ebbed away, I began to garner my motivation once again. Maowi had sensed that my investigation would expose the Cult to the rest of Europeia and lead to her eventual demise for informing me of their very existence. She begged for my silence.


I am ashamed to admit that I gave in to the request of an exchange, for I knew Maowi was now in danger herself. I demanded to be given a title in communications. I thought that this promotion would get me closer to the Cult, allowing me to find out their secrets and put an end to their reign. But in reality, I was more isolated than ever before.

A whisper from the void of discord came to me next, a name I never imagined to be associated with the Cult, an unexpected fanatic of the written word.


I was deeply disturbed now and it was very likely that my next move would be motivation for an attack by the Cult. But with the Prophet Lethen's help, I knew I could garner the temple's support and with a resistance building in Europeia it seemed like the perfect opportunity to take down the Cult and MEH.
At the very least, from the Cult's Hierophant's warning I now knew that Pichtonia, as first minister, would have knowledge of who the resistance leader could be. He was the only person that knew both sides of the battle and the only one that could stop the madness inside of Europeia.


I can go no further. There are matters since my discussion with the first minister that I cannot reveal. I've had to hide amongst the red-tape and Charter drafting dilemmas of Arnhelm. As bad timing would have it and since my retreat into hiding, the final element of my investigation has been unfolded. I am sharing with you one final piece of the puzzle. I remain hopeful of the power of the resistance, but any further step in any direction will surely be the end of my time in Europeia - although my decision to provide the people with the knowledge I have collected so far remains steadfast.


Before the Cult finds me and before the resistance threatens me further, I must publish this article and obscure it within the festivities of Halloween. Beware and be afraid, citizens. HEM, the real HEM, made no mistake when deleting the EBC, no foolish folly, but an act of pure bravery that cost him his identity, citizenship and possibly his life.

They will be back and they will strike again; so be ever watchful on October 31. The Cult of the Oxford Comma is out there, ready to correct and corrupt.


 
This is one of the coolest things I have read in a while. I don't think I can remember a work of fiction like this. Moreover, I know of everyone involved, so it amused me that, for example, Kura is Hierophant of this secret cult and that Pichto is a broken leader. I actually love this so much.

I should definitely join in... but on who's side? ?
 
I should definitely join in... but on who's side? ?
We provide cake, coffee, and books on astronomy ?
My my, what a tempting offer
They also sacrifice people, and take over their citizenship. Cake might be tempting, but you should join the resistance, they have better outfits.
Fashion choice is important to me
Oh, you haven't seen the Cult's get-up
 
Excuse me, but are there people who don't want to make sacrifices of people?
 
Excuse me, but are there people who don't want to make sacrifices of people?
I hope I don't shatter all of your hopes and dreams by revealing this, but yes.
 
Not using the Oxford Comma as akin to a crime against God, Nature, and Humanity
Hmmm ... I would definitely require a chief of state candidate to demonstrate respect for the Oxford comma if they want my vote ...

looks at HEM
I support the Oxford comma in theory, but it's the first thing I throw overboard when writing fast.
 
Not using the Oxford Comma as akin to a crime against God, Nature, and Humanity
Hmmm ... I would definitely require a chief of state candidate to demonstrate respect for the Oxford comma if they want my vote ...

looks at HEM
I support the Oxford comma in theory, but it's the first thing I throw overboard when writing fast.
You’ll be the first one thrown overboard when the Oxford Comma reigns supreme
 
Not using the Oxford Comma as akin to a crime against God, Nature, and Humanity
Hmmm ... I would definitely require a chief of state candidate to demonstrate respect for the Oxford comma if they want my vote ...

looks at HEM
I support the Oxford comma in theory, but it's the first thing I throw overboard when writing fast.
You’ll be the first one thrown overboard when the Oxford Comma reigns supreme
Turn this CoS battle into The Battle of the Oxford Comma ...
 
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