Obviously this one won't be going into a dispatch :lol:
Faux News: Is Kraken the Love Doctor? An In-depth Report.
We have long known about the Kraken's numerous powers, but it appears the latest one to be documented is a sort of love magnetism.
Anumia's tryst with Unibot took place while in a conversation with the Kraken. This was believed to be mere coincidence. However, in a another conversation with the Kraken Lethen revealed that he was leaving for a sexual dalliance outside of NS (more details to come on this sordid love affair from Faux News). This seemed highly peculiar, as Lethen and HEM have been in a long term monogamous relationship for years. These events could all be coincidence, and the quality journalists here at Faux News would never publish something that could be mere chance. But tonight, while in the Kraken's presence, Seven Deaths had to leave to "get laid." The third time's the charm, so to speak, and we believe this proves the Kraken's love powers. It may have something to do with pheremones in his aquatic body, or the fact that he visits the exotic depths of the ocean. It also appears that the more politically powerful the Kraken becomes, the stronger his love powers emanate. If he were to take three terms in the Goldenblock like his father, experts believe every woman in the region would be pregnant. Faux News is unsure, but is currently investigating. Faux News reporter Rach had this to say: "*swoon* Oh my, when I'm around the Kraken love certainly blooms in the air. I'd eat him right up, if I wasn't so scared of Zenny."
Faux News advises all Europeians to be cautious around the Kraken, unless they wish to get laid. In that case, they should book as much Kraken exposure as possible.
Faux News: Is Kraken the Love Doctor? An In-depth Report.
We have long known about the Kraken's numerous powers, but it appears the latest one to be documented is a sort of love magnetism.
Anumia's tryst with Unibot took place while in a conversation with the Kraken. This was believed to be mere coincidence. However, in a another conversation with the Kraken Lethen revealed that he was leaving for a sexual dalliance outside of NS (more details to come on this sordid love affair from Faux News). This seemed highly peculiar, as Lethen and HEM have been in a long term monogamous relationship for years. These events could all be coincidence, and the quality journalists here at Faux News would never publish something that could be mere chance. But tonight, while in the Kraken's presence, Seven Deaths had to leave to "get laid." The third time's the charm, so to speak, and we believe this proves the Kraken's love powers. It may have something to do with pheremones in his aquatic body, or the fact that he visits the exotic depths of the ocean. It also appears that the more politically powerful the Kraken becomes, the stronger his love powers emanate. If he were to take three terms in the Goldenblock like his father, experts believe every woman in the region would be pregnant. Faux News is unsure, but is currently investigating. Faux News reporter Rach had this to say: "*swoon* Oh my, when I'm around the Kraken love certainly blooms in the air. I'd eat him right up, if I wasn't so scared of Zenny."
Faux News advises all Europeians to be cautious around the Kraken, unless they wish to get laid. In that case, they should book as much Kraken exposure as possible.