My fellow Europeians, welcome back to this third issue of the region's best news source, The Potato. Tonight, we'll be taking you on a tour of what really happened this last week in Arnhelm.
Supreme Chancellor Re-establishes Monarchy
This past Friday, Supreme Chancellor HEM issued a declaration to the people from the Palatium manor. His purpose? To announce the forthcoming return of none other than himself as King of Europeia. His reasons for doing so included various degrees of incompetence from government officials, inability of the populace to agree on key issues, and a general lack of other things to do.
The Supreme Chancellor, appearing dismayed after the reaction to his address.
Public opinion did not turn out in favor of the would-be King, and several places in the capitol began erupting in riots. President Earth22 issued a public condemnation of the Chancellor a couple of hours later, calling HEM's actions "despicable" and "downright criminal", as well as urging the citizens of the region not to recognize HEM as any legitimate authority.HEM said:
The region appeared to be upon the brink of civil war. However, all the property damage and bruised egos could have been avoided if one simple detail had not been overlooked...
Europeia Forgets What Day It Is, Grossly Overreact To Sarcasm
As it so happens, this past Friday was none other than the First of April. Given the context of this day, the Chancellor's address was yet another tongue-in-cheek attempt at giving the Europeian people a chuckle or two to help them go about their day. However, in a fervor not seen since a former President received plastic surgery and impersonated a member of another region's royal family, Europeians everywhere met the announcement of the return to monarchy as a completely serious, seditious statement worth burning things and stealing from other people over.
Streets of Arnhelm resemble something like this for a brief period of time.
Several hours later, the would-be King again came on the television screens of the populace. They were naturally unsure of how he would react to the opposition of the democratic government to his proclamation, but no one expected the words "April Fools" to escape his lips. Even then, people were unsure whether or not to believe the Chancellor had actually been kidding. It was not until a joint statement several hours later between HEM and President Earth22 reassuring the public that democracy was still in working order and that she was aware of the joke that people began to believe things were okay. Unfortunately for our President, some were now dismayed that she had allowed tensions to run as high as they did before coming out and dispelling them, and riots continued to happen in the streets of Arnhelm.
Four days later, we at the EBC have finally cleaned out all the mess, bricks and broken glass in our office from these last couple of days. The Potato would urge you to assist us and our sister publications with the cleanup of the main office building so we can return you to your regularly scheduled programming cycle. Should you have any inquiries, please contact the Ministry of Culture.
