Before we get started, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I know that The Potato is not an independent newspaper, but a subsidiary of the EBC. Yes, I am blatantly ripping off The Onion. Thank you for reminding me. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Europeia's Navy Facing Down New Kind of Battle
Much has been said about the recent success of the Europeian Navy under recently passed Grand Admiral Oliver Dion-Grey. They had conquered regions with impunity for the glory and good of the Republic, and things were going swimmingly. But now, part of the way through the current electoral cycle, the Navy and its new leadership are facing down a new challenge: defending its citizens from the appearance of a vicious and deadly sea monster, the Kraken.
The Kraken is a monster of myth and legend, gargantuan in size and capable of substantially damaging even the Navy's most sturdy ships. The Kraken has claimed our former Grand Admiral to its tentacles, and now it has set its sights on the Europeian government. Just in these last few weeks, it has claimed the lives of Senators Andrew Jefferson, Tyranna Lucina, Jusduckria and Foreign Affairs minister Asianatic. As it stands, that leaves half of our Senate and a substantial minority of the Cabinet lost to the slippery tentacles of the beast.
Fear not, my fellow Europeians. Newly appointed Grand Admiral Griff and President Earth22 are working around the clock to protect you from this threat to our regional security. But will it be enough? When will the Kraken finally be slain? How many lives will it take before we are successful in defeating the monster? Only time will tell.
Until then, happy sailing.
