5 Reasons Gustavus Adolphus Rex Is Pure Evil
Gustavus Adolphus Rex seems like a nice guy. Married to a nice girl. Writes about love and commitment. I suspect that even after this article there will be some who maintain that Gus is "nice" or I'm "overreacting" or "joking". And sure, they may be "right".
But that doesn't matter. Because many of you, after reading this eye-opening article, will see why Gustavus Adolphus Rex is pure evil along the same vein as Rasputin, Mao, and Nicholas Cage.
5. He controls our culture
Gustavus Adolphus Rex has just been returned as Culture Minister once again. For some reason most of us imagine the Culture Ministry looks like this...
"Why yes, it is a picture of my junk!"
In reality, looks like this...
"So why do you want to work in culture?"
This man single-handedly controls and oversees our culture. He decides our events which means he decides what other regions see. He decides cultural policy like economics and such.
If you don't believe, ask yourself why his ministry is the only one at the bottom of the forum.
Which brings us to...
4. He controls our education
As Minister of Culture, he oversees EuroUniversity, the only university in the region. This means he controls our education. People are fascinated by the EuroUniversity and it's one of the few learning institutions that people still care about in Nationstates. And Gustavus controls it as apart of his violent education agenda.
In that same topic, Gustavus admitted he wasn't content to control the wider education curriculum (warping the minds of young Europeians to read Basil the Great in schools), he admitted that was even be teaching a class on how to write for his approval.
"Quickly! Someone is thinking critically!"
Which brings us to...
3. He controls our media
Okay, so let's say you don't pay attention to EuroUniversity. You have escaped the hellish conditions of the dorms and classrooms. You've even avoided the events and such that take place in the region. You don't have much left since you can't attend an event he doesn't touch. We're only on step three and already Gus has isolated you into your house.
It gets worse. Gus controls the media. Gus completely runs the Europeian Broadcasting Corporation, which is the STATE MEDIA COMPANY.
Like he did with education, Gus is not content to delegate. He writes several news articles and series.
"Quiet! Gus is telling me what to think!"
But let's say you avoid his articles and you just read Rachel or Willem. One of the other fine journalists who he hired in the first place.
(Note the "if only to keep you off the streets")
And what if you seek alternative media?
Well, one expert gave the historic average lifespan of an alternative media company about a week. Have fun.
2. His name
Okay, so he runs the media, culture, education. Maybe he's evil but he's not born evil. He's not pure evil.
Lies! He is! We can prove it.
According to one site, Gustavus means "royal staff, staff of the gods". That's what his first name means. When you say "Hey Gustavus", you're basically saying "Hey Odin's Beating Stick". That's a pretty uncommon name in the country he's from, which is America. Yeah, he's also American. Damnit.
What about his middle name? It's Adolphus.
His middle name is Adolph... us. He's going to Adolph us. Adolphus.
Got it? Cool.
As for his last name, I will ignore the obvious line about rex as in "Tyranno-freakin'-saurus Rex", like the one he owns.
Did we mention that his signature has a picture of it and says "Don't make me angry or my pet T.Rex will eat you!" (right below him talking about being Culture Jesus of Europeia).
His last name actually means 'king' in Latin.
So his name, basically, means 'Thor's Hammer Stalin Monarch".
Crapping yourself yet?
You're about to.
1. You are his minion
So let's say you escape his media. And despite him being Jesus, you manage to arrive to some measure of equality with him. You see him as an equal.
Too bad, he'll never see you as his equal.
Don't believe me?
Check his signature.
Bro... minions. Brother minion. Sibling slave. Bro minion.
Forever.
For eternity.
Brother minions.
For all time.
Cry in fear. Harrison Ford is your Jesus.
Gustavus Adolphus Rex seems like a nice guy. Married to a nice girl. Writes about love and commitment. I suspect that even after this article there will be some who maintain that Gus is "nice" or I'm "overreacting" or "joking". And sure, they may be "right".
But that doesn't matter. Because many of you, after reading this eye-opening article, will see why Gustavus Adolphus Rex is pure evil along the same vein as Rasputin, Mao, and Nicholas Cage.
5. He controls our culture
Gustavus Adolphus Rex has just been returned as Culture Minister once again. For some reason most of us imagine the Culture Ministry looks like this...
"Why yes, it is a picture of my junk!"
In reality, looks like this...
"So why do you want to work in culture?"
This man single-handedly controls and oversees our culture. He decides our events which means he decides what other regions see. He decides cultural policy like economics and such.
If you don't believe, ask yourself why his ministry is the only one at the bottom of the forum.
Which brings us to...
4. He controls our education
As Minister of Culture, he oversees EuroUniversity, the only university in the region. This means he controls our education. People are fascinated by the EuroUniversity and it's one of the few learning institutions that people still care about in Nationstates. And Gustavus controls it as apart of his violent education agenda.
In that same topic, Gustavus admitted he wasn't content to control the wider education curriculum (warping the minds of young Europeians to read Basil the Great in schools), he admitted that was even be teaching a class on how to write for his approval.
"Quickly! Someone is thinking critically!"
Which brings us to...
3. He controls our media
Okay, so let's say you don't pay attention to EuroUniversity. You have escaped the hellish conditions of the dorms and classrooms. You've even avoided the events and such that take place in the region. You don't have much left since you can't attend an event he doesn't touch. We're only on step three and already Gus has isolated you into your house.
It gets worse. Gus controls the media. Gus completely runs the Europeian Broadcasting Corporation, which is the STATE MEDIA COMPANY.
Like he did with education, Gus is not content to delegate. He writes several news articles and series.
"Quiet! Gus is telling me what to think!"
But let's say you avoid his articles and you just read Rachel or Willem. One of the other fine journalists who he hired in the first place.
(Note the "if only to keep you off the streets")
And what if you seek alternative media?
Well, one expert gave the historic average lifespan of an alternative media company about a week. Have fun.
2. His name
Okay, so he runs the media, culture, education. Maybe he's evil but he's not born evil. He's not pure evil.
Lies! He is! We can prove it.
According to one site, Gustavus means "royal staff, staff of the gods". That's what his first name means. When you say "Hey Gustavus", you're basically saying "Hey Odin's Beating Stick". That's a pretty uncommon name in the country he's from, which is America. Yeah, he's also American. Damnit.
What about his middle name? It's Adolphus.
His middle name is Adolph... us. He's going to Adolph us. Adolphus.
Got it? Cool.
As for his last name, I will ignore the obvious line about rex as in "Tyranno-freakin'-saurus Rex", like the one he owns.
Did we mention that his signature has a picture of it and says "Don't make me angry or my pet T.Rex will eat you!" (right below him talking about being Culture Jesus of Europeia).
His last name actually means 'king' in Latin.
So his name, basically, means 'Thor's Hammer Stalin Monarch".
Crapping yourself yet?
You're about to.
1. You are his minion
So let's say you escape his media. And despite him being Jesus, you manage to arrive to some measure of equality with him. You see him as an equal.
Too bad, he'll never see you as his equal.
Don't believe me?
Check his signature.
Bro... minions. Brother minion. Sibling slave. Bro minion.
Forever.
For eternity.
Brother minions.
For all time.
Cry in fear. Harrison Ford is your Jesus.
